My wife and I have been married for 10 years. We have been blessed with several children together, Alhamdullillah. I dearly love her and desire to live with her the rest of my life, Inshallah. Over the years however, I feel she has lost her interest in me. I know she loves me but I feel her physical attraction towards me has been diminishing over the years. Quite often, there are times when I want to be intimate with her and desire to hug her or kiss her but she pushes me away. Even at night, we no longer share the same bed. Perhaps once in a month, if that, she will come to my bed and desire sexual intercourse. I recall a hadeeth where our beloved Nabi (SAW) has said, “when a wife refuses intimacy with her husband, then that day the angels curse her”. Is this true? Am I the one wrong here and should be more understanding of her or is she doing wrong by not wanting to physically please me more than one time a month? I feel if two people love each other, then they should want to be intimate. It is times like this I start to think about divorce and restarting my life with some other woman. However, I stop short simply by picturing the faces of my children. Thus, I have taken the approach that Allah (SWT) will guide her and bring her intimacy back to me. Even if she does not, I consider this to be a part of my jihad for which Allah (SWT) will reward me. Please offer me some advice backed by Hadeeth or Qu’ranic Ayat’s to solve my dilemma.
MashaAllah we commend you for your Sabr, your restraint and your seeking deeni advice. May Allah Ta’ala reward you abundantly for your sacrifices.
Can you recall what led her to lose interest in you – are you both experiencing marital problems?
Health wise – often people don’t discuss body odure as in foul breath etc. hence usage of itr and breath freshners etc. helps many situations and also this can be medically addressed should this be a concern. It would help if you could assess and ponder over what are possible root causes of your wife distancing herself from you. This by no means will lower your esteem, however will be commendable as you will beable to address the issues in confidentiality to enhance the quality of your life.
N.B – Situations like this can also hurt and damage a man’s self-esteem to be rejected. May Allah Ta’ala grant you happiness with your family. We await your response in order to advise you on your matter.
and Allah Ta’ala Knows Best
CHECKED AND APPROVED: Mufti Ebrahim Desai