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Is it considered Gheebat if I talk about the inlaw issues with my mother

Answered according to Hanafi Fiqh by Askimam.org

My mother in law is very unhappy with me. She just does not like me. At times she may say some things which are very mean . I do not react back out of respect for her as she is a parent to my husband and her level as a parent is very high in the eyes of Allah SWT.I do not want to displease Allah SWT. I also do not talk to my husband openly about the issues she has with me as I do not want to propagate an environment where son has to take sides with wife against a parent. As i consider that it would seriously jeopardize my husband’s hisaab on the day of judgement if he ever comes in confrontation with a parent. I have tried to keep the inlaw issues to myself and only talk to Allah SWT about them. But I felt I really needed to vent with my mother as it was breaking me too much inside. Kindly suggest if it is considered gheebat if I talk to my mother regarding my inlaws behavior as i do not want to displease Allah SWT Kindly also suggest a dua so that my mother inlaw develops some likeness for me. I consider that she is quite justified in not liking me as my marriage to her son was only consented by my father in law and was totally against her wishes. I have apologized to her privately for this happening by keeping my nafees down and accepting my faults truly in front of her as I consider that doing so in this world is far better than be a looser in the hereafter but this does not seem to turn her heart. JazakAllah for taking time to answer.

Answer

It will take time for your mother in law to be happy with you because the marriage was against her wishes. However you should not give up in being kind to your mother in law as Allah has bestowed a great reward for those who make ties.

In a hadith it has been narrated: Whoever breaks ties with you then you make ties with them and whoever treats you badly then you treat them nicely, and tell the truth even if you have to say something against yourself.

As your mother in law is verbally hurting you and by keeping all this inside may lead to depression therefore you should consult with someone you are comfortable with.

However if someone tells another being to show faults and to create hatred then this will be backbiting and breaking ties which is a very big sin.

You should tell this information to someone who may guide you in how to win your mother in laws heart. You should choose the right person to talk to even if it is your husband. It shouldn’t be a person who will make you start hating and cutting ties with your mother in law. It should be a person who will Inshallah make you less depressed and will help you and tell you tips in how to get your mother in law to love you. Telling such a person will not be classed as haraam and gheebat.

To keep ties is necessary even if it is by salaams, a dua or a gift. You should try to do everything you can which will make your mother in law happy. If you approach her in a nice manner all the time but she doesn’t do the same then don’t let this discourage you. Inshallah slowely you will notice the change in her and her approach will be become more comforting and welcoming.

There are many benifits for a person who keeps and makes ties. For instance:
? happiness of angels
? blessings in sustenance
? worries the Saitan
? creates love

and from all of them the greatest virtue is that it makes Allah Ta’aala happy.

You should also constantly perform two rakats nafil prayer and make dua to Allah that He makes this matter easier for you.

and Allah Ta’ala Knows Best

Mufti Ebrahim Desai

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This answer was collected from Askimam.org, which is operated under the supervision of Mufti Ebrahim Desai from South Africa.

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