I’m in a big dilemma. i’ve been in a relationship for a few years. The fact that our families condone it doesnt help it either. We have tried to persuade our parents to let us marry but their mentalities does not allow them to think about the sins we commit. They only think about how we will support each other cos we both study fulltime. I am working and he’s still studying. Although we have set a date to be married soon Insha-Allah (after he graduates and finds a job), I feel lost in the sins that we have committed and bitter about the fact that i didnt have the strength to stop it. I feel our marriage to be at this point will be doomed and we might fight alot and it may just end up in divorce. The only reason I took this job instead of furthering my studies was to forfeit my rights as a wife for a few months in order for us to marry asap. but now i have to wait until next year anyway. I feel i might hold a grudge against his family for this delay. how do i repent and help myself from this discontentment i suffer from?
Masha Allah your realization and need to bring order to your life and repent is most encouraging that alone is a stepping stone to success.
Yes, it is sad that parents do not understand that a ‘simple nikah’ could have solved so much of problems and that nikah does not mean giving up care and support for the children, thy could support and care the same till the children are ready and able to support themselves. In the interim so many sins are committed leading to restlessness, financial problems, sicknessess, ill character, family problems etc, etc, etc and the worst scenario of the Anger and Wrath of Allah Ta’ala, may Allah Ta’ala protect all from his punishments, problems and calamities.
It becomes more diificult when a relationship is so far gone, for it takes more pain on the heart to set aright the affairs. Ask yourself it’s your choice. There are two options.
First: Continue with the relationship as you are hoping that the day will come and when hopefully by then nothing happens and he still wants to marry you or the family doesnt find someone else by then to marry him to. In this time the wrath of Allah Ta’ala continues to descent with possible problems and calamities continuing on for years to come. On the other option.
Second: Take a firm decision now to stop any romantic relationship now at this point. Repent sincerely to Allah Ta’ala, crying at every sin committed, firmly making an intention never ever to return to it. This is the difficult point to give up the affair is an emotional pain and with holding of the sensual pleasures is a greater plight on the nafs. This is a greater Jihaad.
But this reward is sweet and eternal. The sweetness of sensual pleasure is for the moment with long term life long restlessness and problems. This sacrifice is a pain for the moment but long term happiness, sweetness and success.
After taking a decision firmly tell this guy of your decision and no contact from today onwards . Should he want you and decide to marry then he must come formally and conclude the marriage contract -Nikaah. This will be the test of his love for you. If he loves you as he claims he will move mountains for you. “Let you not be one of those dumped after being used, ” like the victimes of so many innocent young ladies out there. He tooo will respect you and so will the families. Remember if your marriage is ordained no one will be able to stop it and if it is not, immaterial how much you try or continue with your relationship it will never materialize.
At this point with tears of repentance , place your problem and weakness to your Creator. HE Allah Ta’ala loves us and wants us to be happy. HE Allah Ta’ala des not want to punish us. But we too have to play our part. Read your Istikhaara on if marriage will be good to this man,ask Allah Ta’ala for HE alone knows what the future holds. Read salaatul Haajaat and seek your needs of a good loving husband and families, place your weakness to Allah Ta’ala and resign the will to HIM.
On a final note start building your love for Allah Ta’ala the Most Beautiful and All Loving for remember man let’s you down, Allah Ta’ala your Creator never let’s you down. Allah Ta’ala is Always Loving and All Loving drowning in that Love will change your whole self worth and life.
May we all enjoy such divine love Insha Allah Aameen.
and Allah Ta’ala Knows Best
2SOCIAL DEPT.
CHECKED & APPROVED: Mufti Ebrahim Desai