Asslamualaikum, we are a newly wed couple who are being offered down payment by our parents for a new apartment, however, we feel that we may not be able to afford the monthly payments due to other outstanding loans. Our parents are forcing us into it and are saying we are being ungrateful and disrespectful if we do not accept the money. They feel we are incompetent and try to make most of our financial decisions for us. This constant disrespect has been going on for a long time. We are hurt and deeply sadened, but try to be as respectful as we can. What does Islam suggest in this situation. Jazak allah wa Khair
Jazakallah for writing to the institute regarding your problem.
I wish to point out to you that to parents, you always remain their children. I dont mean that you remain a little child. Their desire to give to you is part of the cycle of life. The older generation invests in the younger generation. The elders, the teachers, the politicians, all of them talk about investing in the young as they are the “future of the country”. You are the future, the tomorrow of your parent’s life. Their own lives are viewed in terms of yesterday and the “past”. To them, when their children get married, they live life in terms of future grandchildren who will be an extension of their own lives as they are so aware that slowly but surely, they are moving towards old age and the end of life. This is the natural order of life.
Accept your parent’s gifts as this is what gives them fulfillment and joy. If you find they are trying to take over, be subtle and diplomatic in handling their approach. Take their money and send them on a long needed holiday or invite them to make a trip to Makkah and Madinah for instance. If they have the means, they may want you to have what they have, it is only natural. Seeing that you have other financial debts to pay off, accept the money for the downpayment but with a proviso. Ask your parents to deposit a lump sum of money in a Sharia compliant investment on your behalf. ( Or do so yourselves).Work out approximately how long it will take you to pay off your present debts and make the investment accordingly so that you can think of a house when you are ready.
May Allah Ta’ala guide all of you to go on assisting family members in important matters and to maintain family ties. Ameen.
and Allah Ta’ala Knows Best
1SOCIAL DEPT.
CHECKED & APPROVED: Mufti Ebrahim Desai