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Husband is having an affair with another women…he beats her and comes home having taken drugs and alcohol she is now at her mothers house.

Answered as per Hanafi Fiqh by Askimam.org

how can I advise a sister who is having problems in her marriage.her husband is having an affair and she has also spoken to this other women but still for months her husband has not been home.he beats her and comes home having taken drugs and alcohol she is now at her mothers house.but she is in pain and she does love him but she does not understand how a man who has done hajj and whom promised as the conditions of their nikah as dowry that he would change and be a good husband and muslim. She does wish to stay with him as she still loves him but what does she do if he does not change? What can she pray? Please tell me duaas, zikr and all the forms of worship she can carry out,she is crying and praying so much and she prays tahajjud, but what else? And what is she to do if they do separate? She recalls dreaming that her husband would leave her and she will be left in tears all throughout the past year when there relationship was good.and no this has come to pass? Also a sister wants to know whether the salat of a women with highlights in her hair (streaks) etc is accepted.(she did so to please her husband) Is she allowed to highlight her hair again? If it is not permissible then what can she do if her salaat is invalid? Jazakallah may Allah bless you all! Ameen

Answer

For a woman in an abusive cycle you would need extra patience and need to give her your utmost support. You won’t understand her need to be in this viscious cycle for that is currently what her life of normalty is. However in this time ahe would have lost herself confidence and self-esteem, asking herself ‘What is wrong with me?’

Help her by talking positively about her beauty, her good characteristics, her achievements. HELP HER ENJOY NATURE, IT SEEMS THAT SHE MAY BE UNDERGOING DEPRESSION. GET HER OUT OF HER DARK CORNERS HER HOME/ ROOM TAKE HER TO ENJOY A MEAL. Encourage her with positive people who would laugh and smile, encourage her to some craftwork, or home business. Help her to find alternatives to her present condition. Present to her the options if she lives with him will he change, is there a possibility will she have the capability to bear with patience sabr and make attempts to reconcile, or in such a situation if what you say is true ie drugs, abuse women and him not returning home for months then what of the option of seperation? Will she be able to move on with her life? Allowing herself to develop emotionally and socially? Would she be able to maintain herself? Perchance she may be better off nd more stable?

Pose the options and let her decide. You don’t tell her what to do. In the interim advise her to obtain her legal documents, important items, monies, etc. left at her place, should she decide to go for a seperation. Also to note since her husband is a drug addict, the possibility of him requring large sums of monies to feed his habit, is there, hence valuable items should also be removed.

Teach her skills on defending herself in an abusive situation if he does approach if he does approach her. The honeymoon period after an abusive sitation is what melts her heart to have the hope but the cycle continues. Assess her need for staying in the situation: Is it society, Not comfortable in parents home feeling like a dependant, Need to be loved and security and finance?

Encourage her with excellent chioce of turning to Allah Ta’ala – “The duas of an oppressed person reaches the throne of Allah Ta’ala.”

“Do not grieve Allah Ta’ala is with you.”. How fortunate as with you. Help her develop and focus on becoming the beloved of Allah Ta’ala. Man lets you down, but Allah Ta’ala will never let you down.

Question 2 as far as streaks in hair, to beautify one’s self for one’s husband is highly encouraged. However consider contents of streaks if it is water proof then it is not permissible as ghusl is required as water is required to reach the roots of the hair for ghusl, also be aware if the contents contain alcohol. If ghusla was not valid then Qazaah salaah for those days will have to be performed.

and Allah Ta’ala Knows Best

2SOCIAL DEPT.

CHECKED & APPROVED: Mufti Ebrahim Desai

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This answer was collected from Askimam.org, which is operated under the supervision of Mufti Ebrahim Desai from South Africa.

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