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My dad remarried without telling my mom, she is devastated

Answered as per Hanafi Fiqh by Askimam.org

My mom and Dad are married for 32Years now.My dad remarried without telling my mom 10years ago.My mom found out about it recently and is devastated and is in deep sorrow.How to handle this problem.

However she still lives with my dad but she can’t forgive him for the lies and hurt he had caused her.She can’t accept his second wife because, she is a women my mom had known for many years.This women came into our family, lied so much and she even pretended to my dad that she considered him as a brother.My mom belived that the relationship between my dad and this women was just like siblings and allowed her to be close to my family.After knowing that this women lies alot , my mom stop being friends with her. But this women secretly meets my father in the pretext of doing work for him and to our horror we found out that they are married and have a child now.My mom could not accept this women as this women had done so much heart ache for my mom by stabbing her in the back.I don’t know how can this women marry my dad as she was always saying she considered him as a brother and my mom could not take the pressure and cursed this women so much and hope Allah punish her.My mom does not wants to leave my dad as she still loves him, but she can’t accept his marraige and also my mom do not want to give up my dad for this women.Please help me what should my mom do.As children we too hate this women so much and we don’t understand under what surcumstances my dad agreed to marry her.How do we react to this stuation.Please advice.

Answer

There are two issues to this query; A) Mother B) Father’s second marriage

At the outset, it is important that you as a child give complete comfort and support to your mother. It is without a shadow of doubt that these may be the most difficult days in your mother’s life. Use this opportunity to strengthen the bond between your mother and yourself. Be tolerant towards her and ignore all her shortcomings. It is unfortunate that a

Woman in whom your mother had confidence, played this deceit on her. This is even more heartbreaking. It is natural for any wife to feel in this way when the husband remarries. Even the wives of Nabi (Sallalahu Alayhi Wasallam) had their differences among themselves. Since the matter is fresh, the effect is strong. As time progresses your mother will become immune and gradually accept it.

As far you as a child is concerned, you should understand that your father still remains your father. Therefore, you should not compromise on your character and service to him. Diplomacy, wisdom and tolerance are vital. There could be situations where you (children) will become in between your parents. At that point, be careful and do not be hasty to comment or do anything. The slip of the tongue will land you to eternal regret and remorse.

In conclusion, consider the following two Ahadith. Rasulullah (Sallalahu Alayhi Wasallam) said, “Jannah lies beneath the feet of the mother”. In another Hadith Rasulullah () said, “The pleasure of Allah lies in the pleasure of the father”. Keeping the above two Ahadith in mind, endeavour to please both parents in a manner that does not harm the other.

And Allah Knows Best

Mufti Ebrahim Desai

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This answer was collected from Askimam.org, which is operated under the supervision of Mufti Ebrahim Desai from South Africa.