I’ve tried asking questions before because I’m at a weird place in life at the moment. I’d like to do what is correct for the sake of Allah swt. My husband is abusive towards me. It started out with a push here and there. Then it escalated to brusining. Yesterday it was choking, pushing, shoving, etc. My arm hurts today; there’s a bruise on it from when he grabbed it really hard. There are so many problems between our families and it’s all a mess. I’ve given my marriage everything I’ve got for the past 2 years. I just don’t know what to do anymore. How should I handle this? How should I deal with the abuse? I feel like if I stay, it’ll just get worse. And I’m not ready to leave; not ready for khula or divorce. Please, please help.
In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.
Sister in Islam,
We take note of the contents of your email and the challenges you are being faced with. We are deeply disturbed by the account of your turbulent marriage and by your husband’s immoral behaviour. It is indeed sad to note that you had to face such tragic circumstances in your marriage.
If what you state about your husband reflects the reality, then it is clear that he is an irresponsible husband. He is guilty of negligence in his marital obligations.
Shariah condemns all forms of abuse including physical and emotional abuse. No woman deserves to be “physically and emotionally abused” by her husband.
We advise you to discuss your frustration with the seniors of your family, and explain to them what you are going through. Tell them about the behaviour of your husband and how the abuse is having a negative impact in your life. They should take the matter up with the seniors of your husband’s family with the hope of amicably resolving the issue.
Allah Ta’ala says:
وَإِنْ خِفْتُمْ شِقَاقَ بَيْنِهِمَا فَابْعَثُوا حَكَمًا مِّنْ أَهْلِهِ وَحَكَمًا مِّنْ أَهْلِهَا إِن يُرِيدَا إِصْلَاحًا يُوَفِّقِ اللَّهُ بَيْنَهُمَا ۗ إِنَّ اللَّهَ كَانَ عَلِيمًا خَبِيرًا
Translation: If you fear that the couple may separate, then appoint (with their consent) a mediator from his family and a mediator from her family (because relatives generally have a more thorough knowledge of the situation). If they both desire reconciliation, Allah will create unity between the couple (if this is best for them). Verily Allah is All Knowing, Informed.
(Surah Al-Nisaa, Verse 35)
If after making attempts of reconciliation, they find no solutions to your marriage and that you are being oppressed, you should make istikhara and make a decision accordingly.
You are very close to Allah. Put your trust in Allah and seek strength from him. Du’aa is the weapon of a believer. Implore Allah Ta’ala to change the temperament of your husband and make him loving to you.
We also advise you to perform Salaatul Hajaah and seek assistance from the Almighty.
May Allah Ta’ala ease your pain and suffering and alleviate the predicament you are faced with. Aameen
And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best
Muhammad I.V Patel
Student Darul Iftaa
Lusaka, Zambia
Checked and Approved by,
Mufti Ebrahim Desai.