I am a muslimah who has had a sexual relationship outside of marriage. It started as a friendship (as is usually the case) and soon turned into more. I was very much aware that such a relationship is wrong for many reasons. I have reformed myself, ended the sexual relationship, and I am very repentant and remorseful. The young man is also a Muslim, but completely ignorant of his religion. He has never heard of Hadith and had never learned the meaning of the Quranic verses which he had memorized in his youth. He doesn’t pray, fast, or visit the mosque regularly, he smokes, has consumed alcohol and marijuana in the past, and he has two children out of wedlock from a previous relationship. I have started to educate him about his religion and he seems very committed to following his deen and reforming himself as well. This young man wants to change his life and would like to marry me in the next few years.
My question is: “Should I completely cut ties with him(never speak to him again or have contact with him) because of our past sinful relationship, and just continue on with my life and marry someone else(Inshallah) who I do not have a sexual relationship with before marriage, or is it better that we marry each other (instead of moving on and entering into new halal relationships and having sex with new spouses) in the proper Islamic way(meeting before marriage only if a third party is present)and in the meantime have a non sexual relationship where we keep each other informed of our lives and make plans for our future together?”
A sound answer to this question would be very much appreciated because the whole thing is causing great distress. I wish I just wouldn’t have entered into the relationship in the first place, but I can’t reverse time. I pray regularly, but feel it is wrong to ask God for guidance in this matter because of the sin that is connected with it. I thank you in advance for your time and the knowledge you will impart. Thank You!
In the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful
Assalaamu `alaykum waRahmatullahi Wabarakatoh
Your email was very encouraging. You are correct, time cannot be reversed. As human beings, we have our weaknesses and it is our Ieman that make us turn to Allah and repent. Alhamdulillah, you did that and should not focus on the past. Allah is Ghafoor and Rahim. He is Most Forgiving and Most Merciful. Be rest assured that if you were sincere in your repentance, then you are forgiven. Do not doubt that. Now focus on the present and guard yourself against sin and Shaitan.
Rasulullah ( صلى الله عليه و سلم ) said, “A believer is not bitten from one hole two times”. You state you hope you never entered into a relationship with the boy in reference. You made tawba. It is part of tawba to strictly adhere to the laws of Shariah. Shariah prohibits any contact with the opposite gender who are non-mahram to each other. Non-mahrams are those people who are not prohibited in Shariah to marry each other.
It is human nature to be attracted to the opposite gender. The free contact and communication could blossom into a close net of passion and desires, Shariah thus restricts any such contact to save one from being trapped and avoid him from the distress that flows from that. As part of your tawba, you should sever all contact with the person in reference.
If your’ll wish to marry now, explore that carefully and make an appropriate decision. Do not rush into it. Value yourself and hand yourself to someone who will value you, not just use you and dump you.
If you do not intend marrying the boy in reference now, go on with your independent life and practice on Shariah to the best of your ability. Make dua to Allah for a good marriage partner. May Allah keep you firm on Deen and Shariah, Ameen.
And Allah knows best
Wassalam
Mufti Ebrahim Desai
Darul Iftaa, Madrassah In’aamiyyah