i have three questions
i am a 17 year old girl who is in love with a 17 year old boy. we have met each other and been together alone several times but we havent slept with each other. thou we did hug and kiss.
1. should we get married immediately?
2. if our parents do not agree on marrying us and we marry with two sane male witnesses but we keep the marriage a secret from my family ( the girls family). is it allright?
3. how is the mehr given? in terms of money or jewellery or what should d mehr be and how much?
In the name of Allāh, Most Gracious, Most Merciful
Assalāmu ῾alaykum wa Rahmatullāhi Wabarakātuh
There are three issues to your query
- Marriage
- Parents consent
- Mehr
At the outset, we wish to caution you that your interaction with the strange boy is prohibited in Shariah. You should therefore make Tawbah and seek forgiveness for your past. Allah is most forgiving and He will certainly overlook your shortcomings. You should also abstain from any form of communication with this boy. You are young and you should not destroy your future by becoming caught up in short term evil influenced enjoyment. A few moments of short lived enjoyment will prove fatal for your bright future.
Nevertheless, it is disturbing to learn that you intend marrying the person without the knowledge of your parents. Your parents are your life and without their consent in this important step in your life, how would you ever experience joy and happiness in your future endeavours. These are nothing but evil whispers of the devil. His intention is to direct you to a narrow future which will be full of remorse and regret.
Turn to your parents, confide in them and your future lies in their happiness. Imagine for a moment! They brought you up in life, equipped you with the necessary skills to manage your life and at this critical juncture of your life you completely seclude them from your decisions? This is the height of your ingratitude to them for what they have done for you.
We therefore emphasize that you do not become a victim of rushing into marriage without consulting your seniors and parents. If the boy is pushing for you to marry him, then do not allow him to dominate and control your life. This will affect you for the rest of your life. If he wishes to marry you, he should consult with your parents and the necessary formalities may be resolved before the actual marriage can take place. This will bring more ease and comfort to you in your marital life and your future.
And Allāh Ta῾āla Knows Best
Wassalāmu ῾alaykum
Muhammed Zakariyya Desai,
Assistant Mufti
Checked and Approved by:
Mufti Ebrahim Desai
Dārul Iftā, Madrasah In῾āmiyyah