Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
Question
l am 25 and divorced. I recently decided to marry a 29-year-old man whom I have known for four months. We have discussed everything clearly and believe we will have a successful marriage in sha Allah. But my father doesn’t want me to marry again because of the shame and what people will say.
My mother and siblings don’t mind. We tried to convince him, but he won’t discuss it anymore. Our parents live back home, but he and I are in the USA. Can I marry him without my father’s permission because it’s my second marriage?
Answer
I am delighted that you have found an opportunity to marry again. May Allah Most High facilitate it for you.
According to the shari’a, a woman must have her father act as her wali (guardian) during her marriage if he is alive. If I were in your shoes, I would work on convincing him—to appeal to his concern for your future, your opportunity to have children, and your old age. Companionship is essential throughout life and completes half of one’s religion.
If, for some reason, you are unable to, then consult a reliable local scholar and proceed with wisdom. You might ask him to get in touch with your father and tell him that you are very serious about this. If he understands your perspective, he may well give his permission. Perhaps, your suitor can even fly down to your home country and ask him directly for your hand in marriage to show that he is in earnest.
Allah, Most High, says, “So truly where there is hardship, there is also ease;
truly where there is hardship, there is also ease.” [Quran, 94:5-6] Don’t lose hope and pray the Prayer of Need. Fulfill all your obligations and duties to Allah Most High; by His grace, He will respond with his divine care.
Lastly, take a free course on marriage at Seekers because you don’t want to risk losing this marriage. Learn your rights and obligations and apply them while stepping on your ego.
Islamic Marriage: Guidance for Successful Marriage and Married Life
Please see the following links for more information:
Can I Ask Allah to Facilitate for Me to Marry Someone?
Can I Marry Without the Consent of My Parents?
Supplicating So Parents Accept My Choice for Marriage
Details Regarding Being a “Wali” for Marriage in the Maliki School
Can We Get Married Without Involving Our Parents?
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqida, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.