Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
Question
I made a bad first impression on a suitor’s mother, and after that, I acted a little poorly out of stupidity, making his mom turn against me. And when his mom told his dad, he was also against it. I apologized to his mother for my behavior, and I truly regret it. They agreed to come to my house, but his father didn’t like my father. The suitor said no and ended the relationship, as he could not go against his family. He and I are both hurting, and his parents have started seeking another girl for him to marry. I still hope his parents’ minds can change, but he does not. They are also against intercaste marriages. But we both are Sunni Muslims, so why does it matter?
Answer
Thank you for your question. I am sorry that you are dealing with this pain and that it hasn’t worked out so far. Be patient, and submit to what Allah desires for you.
Intercaste Marriage
Although caste can be given some importance when seeking compatibility, it is certainly not as important as religion, and other aspects. His mother may not be stating her true reason for denying you, but I suspect that your behaviour in your first meeting has turned her off for good. Your suitor has already given up hope and I think it will be less painful if you lower your expectations. You should walk away from this, instead of hoping for a miracle, and ask Allah to guide you to someone where both families will rejoice in the marriage. You deserve that.
Please see these links:
Do I Have to Marry Someone Within My Caste to Please My Family?
Should the Decision for Marriage Be Taken Only Considering Somebody’s Caste?
Moving On
It won’t be easy if you need to move on, but I guarantee you will get over him with time, patience, and supplication (dua). Delete his contact, unfollow him on social media, and keep yourself busy with what benefits you. Turn to Allah with regular prayers and read Quran with the meaning daily. Take courses here at Seekers and review your obligatory knowledge. Keep the company of pious girls who influence you to be your best, serve those around you, and volunteer for charitable work. Attach yourself to Allah, and you will find everything else dwindle away.
Please see these links:
Why Are My Parents Refusing My Future Spouse?
What Should I Do About Stubborn Parents Who Refuse My Potential Suitor?
Parents Rejecting The Man I Love Due To Ethnicity
Please remember this hadith and be content with leaving this man, “Verily, you will never leave anything for the sake of Allah Almighty but that Allah will replace it with something better.” [Musnad Ahmad]
May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqida, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.