Question
There is a Muslim girl who I really like, but I have not seen her in over a year and still find myself very interested in her. I really want to ask her if she would be interested in getting to know me for marriage in the future. I can contact her online, but I’m also very worried she won’t be interested in me. I will finish my course in two years in sha Allah, and then I may get a job or study further, but I don’t think I can wait that long. Should I tell her now? I’m very stressed.
Answer
Assalamu alaykum,
Thank you for your question.
Ma Sha Allah, may Allah reward you for your sincerity in pursuing someone for marriage while considering your studies and seeing Allah’s pleasure in how you do it.
Istikhara
Before anything, pray istikhara to start this process with Allah’s blessings and knowing that you feel positive moving forward. She may be the right one, but you don’t want to act on instinct alone. Praying istikhara before any major decision, or minor for that matter, is a good habit. See this link:
A Comprehensive Guide to Istikhara
Approach
Your approach to a girl for marriage should always be the most respectable way; go through her family. Talk to her father first, and ask him if you can get to know her. Of course, you will have to tell him that you are still studying, and he may ask you to put it off for another year, or he may not. He will respect you, though, and be more inclined to you if you do it this way.
Ask friends
I wouldn’t approach her directly, but if there is no other way, you could just ask her through email how to contact her father. Including the family in the process is essential and reminds all parties what a big commitment and journey marriage is. If you wish to find out a few things about her before asking her father, simply ask around through friends. They should be able to tell you enough about her so that you can move forward. May Allah give you the best of this world and the next. See the links below as well:
Approaching a Potential Spouse
How to Approach Getting Married
Approaching a Prospective Spouse
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, Tafseer, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Master’s in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She recently moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.