Assalam u alaikum I am in a lot of distress at the moment Because of my marriage, I have been married nearly 3 years I have 2 children alhumdulillah, in these 2 years My husband was contacted by a woman from his past and he Made a relationship with her, he left me on my own with his family to look after our children whilst he went to work all the hardships I saw and he was talking to her and he sent her gifts and I only found out when I checked his phone because he was acting suspicious I spoke to him about it he promised not to contact her but he contacted her again then I found out he contacted her again and resumed the relationship then we had a fight because before I married him I said to him that I don’t want to be in a polygamous marriage and told him that it would hurt me if he went and spoke to another woman behind my back but he did that, now this is the third time that I found out he is in contact with her they have a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship, he’s been lieing to me and deciding me and deleting everything off his phone, she came to our house with her family and they were very rude and he said nothing to them, in all honesty im very confused as to what to do I hate my husband and I can’t forgive him or trust him but for my children I Am trying, I feel trapped and hurt and he doesn’t even try to make things better.
In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, The Most Merciful.
As-salaamu `alaykum wa-ramatullahi wa-barakatuh.
Sister in Islam,
We take note of your distress. We make dua Allah grant you courage and wisdom to overcome this unfortunate situation.
It appears that your husband is addicted to the bad habit of having a girlfriend. The fact that he is hiding the relationship from you is clear that he also regards the relationship] to be wrong. Your husband may be also feeling trapped in his haram relationship and cannot help himself. Our advise is you should help come out of the relationship by being hard on him. You know your husband and you know what affects him most. If separating from him will affect him, then you should consider that. He will miss home and his children and may realise his wrongs. At the moment he is in a comfort zone. He has you and his children. He has his home and he is feeding his bad habit. There is no antidote to his evil. When that will be adopted, he may feel the burden and his enjoyment and comfort with the girlfriend may decrease. He may then change and reform. In that instance engage the seniors of your family to intervene and put a mechanism in place to avoid a relapse. If your husband does not get affected by the separation, then there is no point in you being in this marriage. You should bring the courage and request him to divorce you. If he does not do so, refer to your local Ulama Body and request for annulment of the marriage.
You are a mother of two. This step may seem difficult. However, it is better than pursuing an abusive relationship.
Place your trust in Allah. Seek his assistance with zikr, salaah and dua. Allah will grant you peace and happiness.
And Allah Ta`ala Knows Best.
Hussein Muhammad.
Student Darul Iftaa
Arusha, Tanzania
Checked and Approved by:
Mufti Ebrahim Desai.