Q: This is very long but please help me im very worried. I am in love with a girl from my university and we both want to get married. My family wanted istikhara first so we agreed. We had istikhara done from someone else and it came out negative.We found it very difficult to cope with this and still had contact for a period of time during which i was trying to tell her to move on though it was very difficult for me too. It was very painful so one day we ended all contact with each other. After this i started praying alot and tried not to think about her. I tried this for a period of time but found it very difficult especially when there was alot of pressure on me from my family to move on and i would start thinking about her without knowing. I cried alot and prayed to Allah to help me. I didnt know what to do so i went to the Imam of our masjid. I told him about the istikhara and how it was becoming so difficult and painful for me. I asked him if there was anyway i could still get married to that girl. He said that it was preferable to follow the istikhara but if it was so difficult for me i could do istikhara myself after a month or two. During this time he said that i should do astaghfaar and zikar and pray to Allah to make something bad( me getting married to the girl) into something good for me. After that day i decided to change myself and my life.I was not a good muslim i knew so i decided to remove everything from my life that could be a source for Allah’s anger and do those things that would please Him. I started praying five times in the masjid and stopped doing anything and everything that i thought would make Allah angry. I was a singer and a guitarist but i decided to quit all this. I decided to grow a beard and do good deeds. I hoped that i could make Allah happy and that maybe Allah would listen to what i wanted so desperately too. I realised however, that i shouldnt be doing all this only for that girl. So yes i decided that i would stay like this all my life no matter Allah accepted my prayers or not. I prayed to Allah for forgiveness and did tauba and prayed that Allah i love that girl alot please make me get married to her because You can do anything and you can also make something bad for me into something good for me.I expressed my intent to Allah that i would do istikahara after some time. I prayed that it came out positive.Several months passed and i kept praying to Allah and asking for his forgiveness. One day my mother told me that we all are going for umrah and i was going too. I was surprised and happy because i had to leave for China for a job but it had gotten delayed alot and now i was going for umrah. I planned that i would perform istikhara on our last night in Makkah. I prayed for my marriage to that girl and that the istikhara should come out positive as much as i could during and after performing umrah. As long as we were there i prayed to Allah desperately and cried alot. On the last night i performed istikhara and the thing i remember from my dream was that i was praying salah. I decided that i would do it again since i remembered only this. So when i reached back to my country i performed istikhara again. In the dream i saw that i was with my little sister and we were moving up through passages inside a tall building. In my mind i was thinking that i had to reach that girl i wanted to marry who was somewhere near the top of the building. The second thing i had in my mind while moving up was that if i prayed while facing in a particular direction i would get what i wanted. I kept moving up with my sister through the passages until i reached my father. My father and I were discussing about constructing a door frame and we both mutually decided on a particular material to build the door with. Then me and my sister kept moving upwards and this is when i wake up. When i woke up i felt really good and had a feeling that whatever i saw was really good and i felt satisfied. I went to the imam of the masjid again and i discussed what i saw with him. He asked me what i felt about it and whether i was satisfied. I told him that i felt good and satisfied and he told me that there wasn’t anything bad he could see in my dream. So i went back and talked to my parents. My father knew the imam personally and he said that he wasnt very experienced in the field of istikhara so we should talk to a mufti about this who could tell us if the dream was good or not. So my question is whether we should go ahead with the marriage? One more thing that i would like to add is that i did the istikhara with a neutral mind knowing that anything could happen. I would accept it even it comes out negative because i cant go against Allah but i know that i wouldnt be able to cope with it. I am desperately in love with her and i have paryed to Allah so much that i feel that how can Allah not accept someone’s prayer after he pleads to Allah so much and repents for his sins so much. It is also said that Allah accepts all prayers done infront of the Holy kaabah. Waiting for a positive response.Help me please.
A: Don’t do anything without your elders’ consent and approval. All forms of premarital relationship are haraam.
And Allah Ta’ala (الله تعالى) knows best.
Answered by:
Mufti Ebrahim Salejee (Isipingo Beach)