Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
I have found a boy, and we both want to get married. My parents are saying that we can marry once I graduate, which is after a year. His mom met me and agreed. He did istikhara for two days and had a dark dream the first night that my family and I were unhappy with the marriage and didn’t turn up at their house. He says it can’t work now because it’s a sign, and he feels negative.
He is confused, he still wants to marry me, but this is giving him doubts. Please tell me if these are negative signs for our marriage and if anything can make it positive. Or should we do istikhara again after graduation?
Thank you for your question. May Allah reward you both for looking to Allah for guidance and taking the proper means to make this decision.
I am not a dream interpreter, but it doesn’t seem like a good sign. It also causes negative feelings in your suitor’s heart. I would revisit the matter after you graduate and leave it for now. When the time comes, you should pray istikhara and the parents so that everyone involved can see how they feel about it and seek guidance from Allah about it.
The most important advice you can follow is what the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) told us, which applies to both genders: “A woman is married for four things: for her wealth, for her lineage, for her beauty or her piety. Select the pious, or your hands will cover in the dust!” [Bukhari; Muslim]
I advise every young suitor and bride-to-be to prepare for marriage well and not get caught up in the details. If you must wait a year, feelings can change, people can change, and let the process happen naturally.
Don’t force anything and always follow istikhara for a big decision like this. Please take the following courses and learn what you must know to be a wife. Until then, supplicate for guidance, patience, and wisdom, and don’t make an emotional decision.
Please see these links as well:
May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqida, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.