Answered by Ustadh Farid Dingle
Question:
Is it permissible to have sexual relations other than intercourse with one’s wife during menses?
Answer:
Wa alaykum assalam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,
Dear questioner,
Thank you for your important question.
The relied upon position in the Shafi’i school is that one may not touch one’s wife anywhere between her navel and her knees (and the respective area from her back to the back of her knees) while she is menstruating, right up until she performs the purificatory bath (ghusl). (Rawdat al-Talibin, Nawawi)
This is based on the hadith in which the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) was asked what a man may do with his wife while she is menstruating, and he replied, ‘You have whatever is above the wraparound (izar).’ (Abu Dawud; Bayhaqi; Khulasat al-Ahkam, Nawawi) This is backed up by the majority of the Companions and Early Muslims. (Musannaf Abd al-Razzaq; Musannaf Ibn Abi Shayba)
There is, however, another position that does allow touching between the navel and the knees, and therefore would allow a man to derive pleasure from skin contact with that whole area, as well as allowing him to sexually gratify his wife by touching her private parts. This is a weaker position in the Shafi’i school. Still, Imam Nawawi personally felt it was stronger from the point of view of textual evidence, and it is also the position of the Hanbalis. (Rawdat al-Talibin, Nawawi; Sharh Muslim, Nawawi; Kashaf al-Qina’, Bahuti; Hashiya Dasuqi ala al-Sharh al-Kabir)
This position is based on the hadith in which the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) was asked the same question and said, ‘Do anything other than intercourse.’ (Muslim)
By default, one should follow caution and stick with the relied upon position and the position of the majority of scholars. However, if it posed a serious hardship to either husband or wife, then there is no harm in following this position.
Please also see:
https://www.whitethreadpress.com/publication/islamic-guide-to-sexual-relations/
I pray this helps.
[Ustadh] Farid
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadh Farid Dingle has completed extensive years of study in the sciences of the Arabic Language and the various Islamic Sciences. During his studies, he also earned a CIFE Certificate in Islamic Finance. Over the years, he has developed a masterful ability to craft lessons that help non-Arabic speakers gain a deep understanding of the Language. He currently teaches courses in the Arabic Language