My husband says that it’s in his right to shout at me and that I don’t have the right to. He says that he is allowed to call me stupid and that I am not allowed to. Is it true that the husband can treat his wife like that, and I can only be silent and take in his anger, as I have no right to be angry?
Thank you for your question. I am afraid that you both have the wrong understanding of a spousal relationship. Neither can harm one another, and neither should accept abuse. The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) told us, “There should be neither harming nor reciprocating harm.” [Ibn Maja]
Allah created spouses to dwell in tranquility, as He tells us in His Holy Book: “And among His Signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that ye may dwell in tranquillity with them, and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts); verily in that are Signs for those who reflect. “[Qur’an, 30:21] This is the true purpose of marriage, and you should ask Allah to guide you to this result. I recommend that you use the resources below to start applying prophetic character and wisdom in your marriage and, by the grace of Allah, he will respond the same way.
Given the considerations in such cases, we urge you to please consult reliable local scholars or counselors about the specifics of the situation.
May Allah give you and your family the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafseer, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She recently moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.