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Is It Right for My Mother-in-Law To Be Angry That My Mother Doesn’t Call Her?

Answered as per Shafi'i Fiqh by Seekersguidance.org

Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad


Does my mother-in-law have a right to be angry if my mother chooses not to speak to her, not in a vile manner but chooses not to socialize and call her every day? My mother-in-law mistreats me and thinks she has a right to as my mother does not call and chase after her, as my mother-in-law thinks she should. What is the ruling and advice here?


Assalamu alaykum,

Thank you for your question. Your mother-in-law has no right to be angry about your mother not calling her. The only expectation is common courtesy.


Generally speaking, when new marriages are formed, it takes time for all parties to get used to one another. Although there is no obligation on the two mothers to speak, common courtesy requires that they ask about one another’s health, congratulate one another on big events and check on each other once a while. For some, this means speaking every week or two, and for others, it means speaking every month or two, or even just a few times a year.

My advice is that you stay quiet about the issue and tell your husband to deal with her anger. He should tell her not to worry about it and to drop her expectations a little. You should not get involved. Trust me, after some time, your mother-in-law will certainly, without doubt, get used to it and stop complaining, by the grace of Allah.


As for your own issues with her, you should take a look at these excellent tips and draw on your patience, wisdom, and empathy.


May Allah give you and your family the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani


Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafseer, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She recently moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.

This answer was collected from Seekersguidance.org. It’s an online learning platform overseen by Sheikh Faraz Rabbani. All courses are free. They also have in-person classes in Canada.

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