Answered by Shaykh Abdurragmaan Khan
Question: Assalam alaykum,
1) Is it permissible to use sexual language between spouses in order to increase desire? What if such words are otherwise deemed offensive or vulgar if used in any other context?
2) Is a husband permitted to use a remote control clitoral stimulator on his wife?
Answer: Wa alaykum al-Salam
Shukran for your question.
1. In principle, the usage of sexual language between spouses, defamatory and vulgar or otherwise would be permissible, though not encouraged. The following must be kept in consideration:
1. The language should be roleplay based and each partner should be comfortable and able to signal when the other may be going too far.
2. Conjugal relations, should be an act of compassion, affection and care. Consistent defamatory talk between spouses may result in the loss of these qualities, which may create problems in the relationship.
3. Disrespect in the bedroom may lead to disrespect outside the bedroom.
4. No spouse should be made to do anything he or she is uncomfortable with.
5. Defamatory and vulgar speech was not the way of pious of this ummah.
In short, sexual speech is permissible and these considerations do not make it impermissible. However, practice caution and collectively decide what would be best for your relationship.
2. Yes, if his wife is comfortable with this it would be permissible.
And Allah knows best
[Shaykh] Abdurragmaan Khan
Shaykh Abdurragmaan received ijazah ’ammah from various luminaries, including but not restricted to: Habib Umar ibn Hafiz—a personality who affected him greatly and who has changed his relationship with Allah, Maulana Yusuf Karaan—the former Mufti of Cape Town; Habib ‘Ali al-Mashhur—the current Mufti of Tarim; Habib ‘Umar al-Jaylani—the Shafi‘i Mufti of Makkah; Sayyid Ahmad bin Abi Bakr al-Hibshi; Habib Kadhim as-Saqqaf; Shaykh Mahmud Sa’id Mamduh; Maulana Abdul Hafiz al-Makki; Shaykh Ala ad-Din al-Afghani; Maulana Fazlur Rahman al-Azami and Shaykh Yahya al-Gawthani amongst others.