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Feeling Distant from Father

Answered according to Shafi'i Fiqh by Qibla.com

Answered by Ustadha Zaynab Ansari, SunniPath Academy Teacher

Salamu’alaykum,

Pray you are well inshaAllah,

If you have never really had a relationship with your father i.e never really talk to him, ifyou need something ask him but always make sure you are fulfilling his rights in terms of if he needs anything, is this a sinful relationship to have? As long as you are not nasty to him and listen to him? As people are sometimes brought up by their parents in a very distant manner, as the parents themselves have no idea how to raise the children/ how to interact with them? Is it sinful not really to have realtionship with your parents? Not out of being horrible/ mean just because thats how you have been brought up?

Wasalam

Answer:
In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful

In the Name of Allah, the Gracious, the Merciful.

Dear Sister,

I pray this message finds you well. Thank you for your question.

Fulfilling the rights of parents takes many forms. This can entail being kind to them, keeping them company, and providing for them financially.

You may have been raised in a household where people were aloof, but you might want to reconsider this aspect of your upbringing. The warmth we bring to our relationships can say a lot about us, particularly when we find ourselves at odds with our parents, yet close to others.

You are right to observe that not all parents know how to interact with their children. Relating to parents who are emotionally distant can be challenging and frustrating. However, it is worth working at this relationship. I don’t know your family dynamics, but try to explore ways to create closeness between you and your father. For example, start by asking him questions about himself. It might sound silly, but make a list. What are your father’s favorite activities, topics, books? What are his fondest memories? Where did he go to school? How did he meet your mother? When he was a child, what were his dreams for the future? Perhaps these conversations will spark more interest in forging a closer relationship.

You also might want to consider spending time with your father in a nice setting. How about going for a walk together? Sometimes just spending time together in a peaceful environment inspires people to talk and share.

I pray that Allah Ta’ala brings you and your father together in meaningful ways.

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