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My Future sister-in-law has removed her Hijab

Answered as per Shafi'i Fiqh by Qibla.com

Answered by Ustadha Zaynab Ansari, SunniPath Academy Teacher

I am a practising muslimah who comes from a conservative and educated practising sunni muslim family (Mashallah). My sisters and I all observe hijaab and we all try to better ourselves as muslims each day.

Last year while at university my brother met a muslimah and they developed an understanding – through this understanding this Muslimah started to observe hijaab and also started to pray salah. By the tail end of last year they got engaged with my father’s blessing.

Earlier this year I heard rumours that my brothers fiancee had removed her hijaab. Naturally I didn’t want to believe it because I hadn’t seen it for myself. Eventually I saw it for myself. As a result other girls at university started to question myself and my sisters about the actions of my brother’s fiancee. Given the situation, there is not a lot we can say since she refuses to speak to us about it.

At this moment in time I am absolutely furious about what this girl has done. She has not only hurt my brother’s feelings but she didn’t stop to think what consequences her actions would have on others around her (Firstly displeasing Allah (swt) by withdrawing from a compulsory Fard and secondly hurting my family’s feelings – especially my parents). At this moment in time I have lost all respect for this girl. I feel she is unsuitable for my brother and I feel that she would never fit into our family. We are inclined to believe that her decision to wear hijaab in the first instance was to merely gain approval for engagement, following which she removed it, hence deceiving us – may I stress that we made absolutely no indication that we required her to wear the hijaab in the first place but naturally we were very pleased with her decision to do so and built respect for her. For her to voluntarily take on a fard and then withdraw from it is wrong.

The question I would like to raise is therefore – as future in-laws to this muslimah, are my parents entitled to question her actions and request that she re-adorn her hijaab before marriage?

Answer:
In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful

In the Name of Allah, the Gracious, the Merciful.

Dear Sister,

I pray this message finds you and your family well.

If your parents want to talk to your brother’s fiancee about her hijab, they need to do so with the utmost caution and discretion. I can understand how everyone has been upset by this, but there are several points to keep in mind:

1. Your brother met this young woman and became attracted to her even though she did not cover. It’s possible that her motivation in covering may have been to please your brother. The problem with speculating about her motivation is, firstly, she is not here to tell us. Secondly, only Allah Ta’ala knows what is in her heart. And, thirdly, we need to learn to deal with people as we find them, and not how we want them to be. If your brother wanted someone who was strong about her hijab, then choosing this particular sister may not have been ideal to begin with.

2. The decision to wear hijab may be one of the most important decisions a woman ever makes. Consequently, this decision should come about as a result of reflection, remembrance of Allah, and one’s own personal volition. Unfortunately, when sisters cover under pressure, the desire to please Allah is submerged under the desire to make everyone else happy. The bottom line is: we don’t cover to please people. We cover to please Allah.

3. Your parents can certainly discuss their expectations with this young woman. But this brings me back to my original point: we don’t bring people into our lives, determined to change them. Change has to be from within. It is very possible that this sister may decide to wear hijab again. And it’s also quite possible that she may never do so. All you can do is pray for her, wish the best for her, and continue to encourage her. Being judgmental or harsh will not help.

4. Finally, this is really a decision your brother will have to make. Is he willing to have a wife that is uncovered? Men are responsible for the wellbeing of their families, and part of this includes making sure that everyone is carrying out his or her religious duty. This will have to be approached with sensitivity.

I pray that Allah Ta’ala gives this young woman the conviction to do what is most pleasing to Him.

And Allah knows best.

This answer was indexed from Qibla.com, which used to have a repository of Islamic Q&A answered by various scholars. The website is no longer in existence. It has now been transformed into a learning portal with paid Islamic course offering under the brand of Kiflayn.

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