Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
I’m currently living with a Muslima who is not a practicing- however, she is a very good person by heart and a great housemate. Good with her dealings, clean, and cares about me like a sister/mother. I have encountered people who are much into deen but sometimes they forget the basics of dealing right (for example, don’t share the household expenses equally, use other people’s belonging without their consent, not clean). However, she’s not of that type. I have tried asking her to come over for jummah or the mosque but her usual response is “I don’t have time – I have to study or work”. Sometimes, her fiancé comes over and it’s sad to see them mingle like couples even before they are married. Sometimes, I wonder if this is hampering my practicing since I’m also striving to establish my relationship with Allah (subhana wa ta’ala) and trying to learn myself or if my staying with her is helping her as a means of dawah and reminding her of her deen.
After taking a look at your circumstances, it seems that you have a pretty busy life going on right now. You have just graduated, you’re looking for a job and you’re striving to improve in your deen. Since, you will probably be moving out in few months, anyways, it may be an irrational move to leave so abruptly. However, this is my advice to you,
A. Communicate with your roommate. There is nothing more important in any relationship than communication. Living with someone a little less practicing is not as serious as her fiancé coming over. You must let her know how you feel about a man coming to the apartment all the time. Even if your friend finds it alright for herself, it is not suitable for you, a single girl, to have a male enter your home. Don’t attack her, but approach it from an emotional perspective, and then slide in the religious perspective as a side viewpoint. If she is really as understanding as you say she is, she seems like she would be very understanding. It is probably even something that would make your parents upset if they found out about it.
B. If she doesn’t agree with you and receives your request with hostility, you may consider having to take further action. You could either move out, or you could spend a lot of time at a friend’s place, instead of moving out completely. Whatever you do, don’t be hostile back to her, Muslim character is higher than this. You should be kind, tolerant, and hint to her that you aren’t comfortable with this by taking off every time he comes over. If this isn’t practical, you may want to simply move in with your friend’s friend that you mentioned. Even if it means that you move out after only a few months, consider this mujahadat al-nafs (striving of the self). The deen is always about sacrifices. You will find easy anything you seek through Allah, and you will find difficult, anything you seek through yourself.
C. Finally, if you decide to move out, don’t cut off relations with her. The best way to win her to practicing the religion and finding the light of tranquility with her Lord, is to show her your good character and the fruits that you are reaping from living such a life.
D. Since you will be moving out eventually, I suggest that you find a roommate who is trying to reach Allah. Good company is essential to achieving one’s goals in religion.
E. Abu Musa, may Allah be pleased with him, reported: Allah’s Messenger (may peace be upon him) said: The similitude of a good companion and that of a bad one is that of the owner of musk and of the one (iron-smith) blowing bellows. The owner of musk would either offer you free of charge or you would buy it from him or you would smell its pleasant odor, and as for the one who blows the bellows, he would either burn your clothes or you will have to smell its repugnant smell. (Related by Muslim)
May Allah give you success,
And Allah knows best.
Shazia Ahmad