Answered by Ustadha Zaynab Ansari, SunniPath Academy Teacher
Salam.
I am a 25yr old Muslimah, and I have been wondering whether it is makruh if I get married. First of all, I have no love for children – I don’t dislike them, but I don’t get along well with them either. Secondly, I have no real interest in getting married. Someone said to me that marriage is sunnah, and since I don’t want to be married, it means I don’t love Allah and His Messenger enough. Is this true?! This worries me greatly, because I believe the purpose of life is to worship Allah. But wouldn’t it be unfair if I am unable to provide love for my children in the future, and wouldn’t it be unfair for my husband if I am not the loving mother he expects? Furthermore, I am different from most women in many aspects: I don’t like to dress up or wear beautiful clothes, bags and shoes. I am more like men, in the sense that I am simple, the way I think, the way I act, the way I dress. I am definitely not a lesbian, but it’s just that I am not like other women, thus I feel that I am unsuitable for marriage.
In the Name of Allah, the Gracious, the Merciful.
Dear Sister,
I pray this message reaches you in good health and spirits.
According to Reliance of the Traveller, it is offensive, or makruh, for a woman to get married if she has no desire.
Furthermore, one of my teachers explained that it is unlawful for a person to get married if she knows that she cannot or will not fulfill her obligations to her family.
If you have no interest in marrying, that is your prerogative and people should not make you feel guilty.
Keep in mind that marriage is the sunna of the Prophet, peace be upon him.
Just because you”re not interested now doesn”t mean you will never be interested. So keep an open mind. Maternal desire is not a prerequisite for getting married. I know of sisters who had no interest in children before marriage. However, after marrying, they discovered new interests!
As far as not being interested in dressing up, keep in mind that not every man wants a beauty queen. Being a simple woman should not prevent you from getting married.
Whatever you decide, remember that the best tool is Salat al-Istikhara, the guidance prayer, the details of which are available here at www.sunnipath.com.
And Allah knows best.