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How Can I Feel Confident When Everyone Wants To Marry Fair-Skinned Girls?

Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad

Question

I’m feeling very sad these days. Nowadays people only want to marry beautiful women, especially where I live. My average-looking cousin wanted to uncompromisingly marry someone beautiful and he got the most beautiful wife. How do we feel confident in this environment where everyone desires and praises beautiful fair-skinned girls?

Answer

Assalamu alaykum,

Thank you for your question. I am sorry that you feel that your worth only goes skin-deep. I guarantee you that you are beautiful and there is so much more to you than what the media tells you.

Your worth

The Prophet, (Allah bless him and give him peace), told us, “Allah does not look at your forms or your wealth, rather He looks at your deeds and your hearts.” [Ibn Majah] What deeds is Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) referring to? See this hadith: Anas reported Allah’s Messenger, (Allah bless him and give him peace), as saying, “When a woman observes the five times of prayer, fasts during Ramadan, preserves her chastity and obeys her husband, she may enter by any of the gates of paradise she wishes.” [Albani]

When Allah has given you such tremendous opportunity to worship Him and enter the gates of Paradise, wherein the least of which you will have whatever you desire, is it not enough to incite you to act faithfully, and not study yourself in the mirror?

Live Islam

Focus on developing your inward, educate yourself, learn or review your personally obligatory knowledge, and pay no attention to the futile talk of this world. Surround yourself with people who love Allah and are interested in growing their spirituality. Remember these Prophetic words, “This world is cursed and what is in it is cursed, except the remembrance of Allah (dhikr) and what is conducive to that, or one who has knowledge or who acquires knowledge.“ [Ibn Majah]

What matters

Also, remember that pleasing people is impossible and the only pleasure you should seek is that of Allah. Even if you were the most beautiful person on Earth, it would not help you in your grave. Rather, follow the sunnahs of Prophet, (Allah bless him and give him peace), in terms of hygiene and self-care, and instead of hoping for lighter skin, hope for nur (light) to come from your face, and that is indeed something to be grateful for. Read this dua for light to shine forth from the face:

The Dua of Light

See these links for more info:

How Do I Deal With Being Put Down and Being Compared to My Beautiful and Fair-Skinned Relatives?

Dark Skin

May Allah give you the best of this world and the next and give you a pious family who will be the coolness of your eyes.

[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad  

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, Tafseer, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Master’s in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She recently moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.

 

This answer was collected from Seekersguidance.org. It’s an online learning platform overseen by Sheikh Faraz Rabbani. All courses are free. They also have in-person classes in Canada.

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