Answered by Ustadha Raidah Shah Idil
Question: My parents do not approve of my desire to become more religious. They get upset and angry with me. I had to shave my beard because my mum started crying. Is this a test from Allah? Am I doing something wrong by upsetting them?
Answer: Assalamualaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,
I pray this finds you well. May Allah reward you tremendously for wanting to please your parents under these challenging circumstances. Yes, this is a test from Allah. InshaAllah by having patience and showing good character, you will pass this test with flying colours. You are not doing something wrong by practising your religion. However, if you speak to them with disrespect or treat them harshly, then you would be displeasing Allah.
Ensure that you keep up with your obligatory acts such as prayer, fasting in Ramadan, zakat, and going on Hajj when you are able. These personally obligatory acts of worship are still binding on you, so you must do them in secret, if necessary. There is no need to talk about your Islam if it upsets them.
When you feel sad about upsetting your parents, remember the examples of the Companions (may Allah be pleased with them all). Many of them had parents who completed rejected Islam, yet they remained steadfast in their practice and treated their parents with respect and compassion.
Goodness to parents
“And your Lord has decreed that you not worship except Him, and to parents, good treatment. Whether one or both of them reach old age [while] with you, say not to them [so much as], ‘uff,’ and do not repel them but speak to them a noble word.” [Qur’an, 17:23]
Please enrol in the SeekersGuidance course, Rights of Parents, to help you understand how you can respect your parents. You can also post your questions to the instructor, Shaykh Rami Nsour.
In the meantime:
-Speak to them with gentleness, even if they speak to you with harshness.
-If advising them to do good and forbidding them from doing bad upsets them, refrain, and speak to them about other topics.
-Have sincere concern for their welfare and find ways to be of service to them e.g. buy their groceries, take them to their doctor’s appointment, cook their favourite foods, take them to visit their friends etc, make conversation with them.
-Make shukr for everything they have done for you and show them your gratitude through words and actions.
-Make dua for them after every fard prayer and ask Allah to guide them.
Wake up before Fajr and make copious dua for Allah to soften their hearts. Never underestimate the power of dua. Allah is the Turner of Hearts, even theirs. InshaAllah over time, you will win them over through your good character, and Allah will incline their hearts towards Islam. All we can do is make the effort, and leave the outcome to Allah Most High.
I pray that Allah rewards you tremendously for wanting to show your parents kindness and respect.
Please refer to the following links:
Dealing With Non-Muslim Parents
A Convert Dealing with Non-Muslim Parents
Prepare Yourself For Your Parents’ Old Age
Checked & Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani