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Sequels of difficult childhood

Answered as per Hanafi Fiqh by Qibla.com

Answered by Shaykh Gibril F Haddad

If a child (only recently attained puberty) has been abused, neglected, abandoned, rejected and possibly even molested during her formative years, and then she converts to Islam at 12 years old, and the effect of her pre-Islamic mistreatment is that she is: emotionally immature, but sexually precocious, very superficial in her practice (i.e. seeking approval of others for religious practices, expecting rewards and praise for learning the religion, etc), seemingly unable to learn from past experiences (she doesn’t even acknowledge, or claims to not remember most of the awful things that happened to her in her childhood and has a hard time perceiving the consequences for her present actions), unable to empathize with others (called narcissistic personality disorder), or learn from observation … is such a person just as responsible for their actions as someone who would be considered “normal”? She honestly doesn’t seem to understand anything but the most simple and superficial concepts regarding life and deen, though intellectually (academically) she is normal. She would like to be treated like a 4 or 6 year old, except by men.

Answer:
In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful

Legal responsibility indeed hinges upon the recognition and understanding of responsibility with respect to do’s and don’ts. If it can be established that an obstacle exists preventing these things then “the pen of the Law is lifted” until that obstacle is removed.

As for mere superficiality and the examples cited, is it certain that they contribute to establish a diagnosis of mental disorder? A lot of people if not most – especially youngsters- can be described, in their practice, as more or less seeking approval of others. This does not cancel out their burden of responsibility. Inability to learn is a huge handicap and certainly disqualifies anyone; but you said, “intellectually (academically) she is normal.”

Consequently, even a superficial, mindless, amoral youngster with a terrible childhood is “legally responsible” enough, although this one presents signs of being below the legal maturity required of her age. Not that she “seems to be the same way” as her parents (upon which the onus of sin rests) so much as she would seem headed that way — were it not for the presence of her Muslim grandmother, and her attraction to Islam and goodness. This is an important difference.

As for how to influence her, she needs good peers together with your continued love and spiritual focus. The latter consists in profuse du`a, dhikr such as Ya Hafeez, and almsgiving to the intention of her guidance and protection, among other saving acts, and trust in Allah Who {does not burden any soul beyond what it can bear.}

Hajj Gibril

GF Haddad

This answer was indexed from Qibla.com, which used to have a repository of Islamic Q&A answered by various scholars. The website is no longer in existence. It has now been transformed into a learning portal with paid Islamic course offering under the brand of Kiflayn.

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