Q: I had a girlfriend who lured me in to physical relationship. I kissed and saw her breasts but never saw her private part or had intercourse with her. She saw my private parts and masturbated me. This happened five times and then I realised the great sin we committed. We decided to get married but her family refused with threats. I cut off all contacts with her. I cried a lot, repented a lot in Ramadhaan during the nights and went for Umrah especially to repent deeply and prayed for a pious virgin woman. I got married to a 20 year old girl on 27th Ramadhaan 2013.
Before marriage I got some info about her physical relationship with a boy and asked her directly by swearing on Qur’an and her father. She refused the allegations and said that they were just class fellows and there was nothing serious. After Nikaah I observed that she was not a virgin and hence I was in constant doubt that may be the information before marriage was true. After 3 months of marriage I logged in her facebook profile for the first time to make some settings for her and found her old messages in 2012 to her sister expressing sever remorse, shame for committing zina with the boy who promised to marry but left her. She wanted to die but her sister suggested to get married.
- My question is that I never committed zina and repented a lot from my sins of physical contacts then why Allah has given me a zani wife? Did Allah punish me for my wrong physical acts although I was not a zani?
- If my wife spoke a lie by swearing upon the Quran and her Father about her physical relationships then shall I leave her? How can I trust her in future?
- She claims that she repented a lot and wanted to set things right in her life by getting married and loves me a lot as I am her husband. Then why did Allah unveil her sins to me just after 3 months of marriage, when I had no such intention of spying or wanting to know her past? Is this an indication of something bad in future and hence to leave her now?
- I am unable to forget her past and doubt her every move. What should I do? Should I stay with her or leave her?
- This is the system of this universe that if you have experimented with something then the greater chances are that you will get a woman that had experimented as you had experimented. In the terminology of the hadeeth both are called zina.
- Like how you will expect her to trust you. In spite of your wrongs she had accepted you, hence you should also accept her in the same way.
- Don’t put your mind behind doubts and suspicions. Like she was unveiled it is likely that you get unveiled for your past sooner or later.
- Think of your own past.
And Allah Ta’ala (الله تعالى) knows best.
Mufti Ebrahim Salejee (Isipingo Beach)