I am a girl.. I married to some one without the knowledge of my guardians as we have not completed our education yet..They consider us still child..I were than 16, he was also 16 (6 months younger than me).My father is a College lecturer, my mother is a head teacher of a primary school,his father is an Upazila Engineer ( the head of the governmenten engineers in a locality..I don’t do anything he aslo don’t we are studying.. His family lineage is quite better than us..family income is also more than us..he is quite religious too.. Their social position, lifestyle all better than us..but he don’t do anything and me too..is he an equal match for me..??I mean the kuf..??And is the marriage valid if I give my written consent and send to him and he accept by writing infront of two witnesses ??
Wa’alaykum as Salam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu,
Marriage is a huge step in a person’s life. It is a commitment of spending ones future with his/her spouse. Marriage does not only concern your partner, but it directly impacts YOUR immediate relatives as well.
Due to its great importance, it is wise to get the blessings of ones parents when choosing our life partners. They have much more experience, and will advise the best person for you. Being a girl, they will know if you can adept to the lifestyle of your husband and in law.
Furthermore, there are many challenges with a secret marriage. People will see you and assume that you are engaged in Zina or Haraam. What happens if you conceive? If a divorce takes place, Allah forbid, how will you sit in ‘Iddah?
These are just some of the reasons why the Prophet (sallallahu alayhi wa sallam) said,
أعلنوا هذا النكاح (أخرجه الترمذي في سننه – 3/ 398)
“Announce this wedding” (Sunan at-Tirmidhi, 3/398)
We advise that you notify your parents of you interest in getting married. Be transparent and honest to them about your thoughts, and express your interest to them. If you are unable to get across to them perhaps get an influential member of your family or your community to discuss this with them. If they still consider you to be too young, you may do the Nikah now, and have the rukhsati (living with the husband) later.
As for your query, compatibility for marriage (Kuf) marriage is considered in five aspects:
(1) Religion, (2) lineage, (3) piety, (4) wealth, (5) profession/occupation.
The offer of the marriage and acceptance has to be done verbally infront of two witnesses.
And Allaah Ta’aala knows best
Ismail Moosa (Mufti)
وتعتبر الكفاءة في الحرية والإسلام في حق العجم لأنهم كانوا يفتخرون بهما دون النسب هكذا في التبيين (الفتاوى الهندية – 1/ 291)