Answered by: Maulana Sibghat Ullah
Salam. My uncle (father’s older brother) passed away in Pakistan and my father went for his Janazah. He came back 3 weeks ago. My father came to me yesterday morning in my bedroom and told me he had spoken to some people regarding my engagement with my uncle’s (the one who passed) daughter. I refused and said, “I don’t want to marry her”. He said why and I said, “no disrespect, I am just not interested in her, I want to get married to someone of my own choice”. I was not rude in my reply and didn’t raise my voice at all. He stopped talking to me and said he wants nothing to do with me. I cried to him and told him I have not done anything wrong; I just don’t want to and in Islam, he can’t force me to marry someone against my will and that there is nothing wrong with getting married to someone of my own choice. I said I will first talk with you and get your permission with whatever woman I found. It’s not like I am going to run away and get married. My mum was still talking to me and she said try reconsidering it. I told her mum; sorry I am not going to change my mind. Now it is the next morning and she is the same. My father has basically disowned me and my mum, you can tell she is angry because I refused. I am so lost, and I don’t know what to do anymore. Please get back to me.
In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful
Marriage is a contract where both parties have to agree to marry each other.i Forced marriage is strictly forbidden and against the teachings of Islam irrespective of the reasons.
Parents should know that they have an important role in suggesting, advising, directing and guiding their children but they cannot blackmail and force children to marry without their wishes and consent.
It is narrated from Khansa bint Khidam Al-Ansariya that her father gave her in marriage when she was a matron, and she disliked that marriage. So, she went to Allah’s Messenger and he declared that marriage invalid.ii
We can see that the marriage was cancelled by Rasool Ullah saw as it was based on force and without consent.
Furthermore, Abu Huraira reported Allah’s Messenger as having said:
A woman without a husband (or divorced or a widow) must not be married until she is consulted, and a virgin must not be married until her permission is sought. They asked the Prophet of Allah: How her (virgin’s) consent can be solicited? He (the Holy Prophet) said: That she keeps silent.iii
So, to answer your question it is best for you that you:
- First of all, pray to Allah and seek His help.
- Talk to your parents with love and respect and explain to them that they will be going against the teachings of Islam if they force the marriage.
Only Allah knows best.
Written by Maulana Sibghat Ullah
Checked and approved by Mufti Mohammed Tosir Miah
Darul Ifta Birmingham
i Raddul Mukhtar, Page 86, vol 4, Maktaba Aheediya:- Marriage is done by Eejaab and Qubool.
ii Sahih al Bukhari, Wedlock, Marriage, Chapter: If a man gives his daughter in marriage while she is averse to it, then such marriage is invalid
iii Sahih Muslim, The Book of Marriage, Chapter: Seeking permission of a previously married woman in words, and of a virgin by silence