Assalam O Alaikum wa rehmatullahi wa barakatahu!
I want to put your attention on an issue that a brother is facing and needs your valuable suggestions and advises.
It’s about a marriage problem, may be a common subject for you. That brother is now-a-days studying in a foreign country. He used to attend Islamic lectures there and just by chance he came across a girl for which he thinks could be his potential life partner. After meeting with her he found that she possesses almost all those qualities and habits which he wants to be in his life partner.
Later he performed Istikhara to seek help from Allah and found some positive signs and his mind becomes clear. He tried to tell his mother many times but couldn’t find himself brave enough to discuss this matter but after doing Istikhara he finds some courage and decided to tell his mother about this in a suitable time. Since few years ago, he forced his parents to find a girl for him but till now they couldn’t able to find one for him. So after getting some signs from Istikhara he asked his parents to delay his marriage or hold on for some time. But when he did this second or third time, his mother asked the reason for it and he told her that he like someone here and feels that she is perfectly suits his criteria. His mother straightly refused and said that don’t think about this.
Now he is so disappointed that he doesn’t want to talk with his family about marriage topic. The reality is that his parents haven’t found anyone till now and they are insisting that later they will find and you just forget about your choice. That brother is very obedient to his parents and never wants to go against his parent’s decision but at the same time he doesn’t want his wish to be ruined.
Please tell me whether it is forbidden to marry according to your choice? If he has no choice and didn’t come across that girl by chance then it’s OK but now he is willing to pursue her and his parents is not agreeing. At now his situation is that he cannot consider anyone else because he thinks that she is exactly the same which he was waiting for a long time and she is perfectly according to the image which was already in his mind and according to his imagination.
So what should be his action under this situation? He wants to do his marriage with a total agreement of his parents. He wants to start his efforts for her after getting the permission of his parents but they are stopping him at first stage. What should be the behavior of his parents in this scenario? That brother is very shy and always gives up and surrenders himself for his parent’s wishes and desires but this time he doesn’t want to give up and is so depressed.
Please suggest him and give some good advises for him to take him out from this situation. May Allah bless you.
Jazakallah Khairan!
Wassalam,
In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.
Marriage is a long-term relationship. Hence, every individual should marry according to his/her choice. On the other hand a person should not marry without consulting his/her parents and seeking their consent.
If the brother selected his partner but his parents were not satisfied with his choice, then there must be some reason behind their refusal. Parents have a good vision in mind regarding their children’s future and would not refuse to allow their child to marry the person of his/her choice if they are sure that his/her decision was correct.
If he is certain she has good qualities and habits and she will be a suitable marriage partner, he should not hide this from his parents. If they do not understand this, how will they ever change their mind about not allowing him to marry her when they feel that she is not a suitable girl to marry?
Therefore, the brother should sit down with his parents and discuss with them the reasons why he is sure the girl will be a suitable partner for him. If he feels shy to approach them on this issue, he should explain his situation to a senior person with whom he is able to openly communicate. He should then request that person to convey his thoughts to his parents regarding why he feels she is a suitable partner.
He should also provide his parents references to respectable people who know the girl so that they may thereafter change their opinion with regards to him marrying her.
He should not be disappointed and depressed regarding his parent’s refusal and understand that they are only doing so to save him in the future. They do not know the girl as he does, and cannot be blamed for the position they have taken. The only solution would be for him to continue trying to convince them in whatever possible way until they see the situation as he does. In this way, he will remain obedient to his parents and at the same time marry the girl of his choice.
Also, while making this effort of convincing his parents that she is a suitable partner for him, he should continuously make Dua that Allah Ta‛ālā guide him and his parents in this predicament they face.
And Allah Ta’ālā Knows Best
Mahmood Patel
Azaadville, South Africa
Student Darul Iftaa
Checked and Approved by
Mufti Ebrahim Desai.
www.daruliftaa.net