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Marital Problem: Please advice me what to do? whether I should stay with my parents or work out my relation. Please help me.

Answered according to Hanafi Fiqh by Askimam.org

Assalamuwalaykum,

I have got many problems in my life and do not kow how to deal with them. Please advice me.

I loved a Muslim guy, learnt about Islam and converted to Islam, Alhamdullilah. I was a Hindu and was scared to tell my parents about Islam and this guy. We got married about two years ago secretly. I could not live with this guy after marriage because we were working in different places in US. I finally took the courage to tell my parents that I love this guy and wanted to marry him. My parents went into shock, spoilt their health and made me come back to India. I told them about Islam but they are very mad and think I am doing this because of that guy. I came back to India to convince my parents to let me marry him. I cannot tell them that I am married because they will be devastated.

Meanwhile, my husband started talking to another married Hindu girl and started liking her very much. I found out about this and confronted him. He said she was just a friend. He has not been talking to me since then properly. He recently he told me that he liked her very much and he knows nothing is going to happen between them but he doesn’t know what to do.

I am very depressed now. I have come back to India to convince my parents and all this is happening. I love my husband very much and I cannot live without him. My parents are pressurizing to leave him. My husband says he doesn’t love me anymore(we are together for past 7 years) but he does not know what to do. I cannot tell my parents that I am married as it will kill them. I am so depressed that I just don’t understand why I am alive?

I want to work my relation with my husband. But my parents will spoil their health again if I leave them. But if I don’t go back to US, my relation is going to come to an end. I cannot tolerate either. I am not able to eat or sleep well.I am making dua for the past 6 months but I don’t know.

Please advice me what to do? whether I should stay with my parents or work out my relation. Please help me.

Answer

In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.

As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.

 

We are really sad to know of the turn of events in your marriage. We deeply sympathize with you and share your grief. We make Dua to Allah Ta’ala to keep you strong and guide you. Ameen.

We are glad to know that you learned about Islam and only after believing it to be the true religion, you accepted Islam. Yes, your husband became a means for you to be introduced to Islam. You did not accept Islam merely for marriage convenience. It should be clear to you that the wrong attitude of your husband does not reflect the teachings of Islam. You understood Islam and embraced Islam based on it being the true religion. Remain firm on Islam and do whatever it takes for you to preserve your faith. It is possible that your present challenges may lead you to question your fate and faith. Never let that happen. Allah is aware of your condition and place your trust in Him.

We understand at present you are in India with your parents. It is clear that your parents are actually averse to Islam. It will be more challenging for you to preserve and practice on Islam while being with them.

If you want to work things out with your husband, that cannot be achieved by both of you being apart. You have to be physically close to express your feelings and give it an opportunity to work it out. Go back to the U.S and let him know you are returning for him. It appears your husband’s heart got lost in the wrong place. You have to help him find his heart. You should also consider marriage counseling through an experienced Imam in your area. If your husband is willing, he could consult with us and we could counsel him.

Sister, do whatever it takes to reconcile. A mountain can be reduced to a hill with the help of Allah. Be strong and determined. Dont lose yourself. Be positive. Allah will help you.

Please note, to preserve your Iman is more important than your marriage. Resolve to be steadfast on Islam.

And Allah knows best,

Mufti Ebrahim Desai

This answer was collected from Askimam.org, which is operated under the supervision of Mufti Ebrahim Desai from South Africa.

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