Salaam Alaikum. I have a dilemma and need help. Let me start. A few years ago I proposed to my cousin and her family accept the proposal. Then one day on my way to dropping my sister to her school i saw this girl who was going to the same school as my sis. I fall in love with her instantly. Then i saw her on Eid-ul-Fitr… i just keep seeing her. I saw her again today when i was dropping my sis to her school. I extremely like this girl and i’m atrracted to her. As for my cousin, i just don’t feel anything when i see her. Nothing. She’s beautiful, religious, wears the hijab. But i keep thinking about this girl… this girl is religiously committed, of good attitude, and good upbringing. I want to propose to this girl but the problem is how do i cancel the proposal with my cousin? I really like this girl and i hope you find me a solution to this ongoing dilemma. Salaam Alaikum.
In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.
At the outset, it is impermissible to cast evil and lustful glances at non-Mahram (strange) women. The evil glances are the arrows of Shaytan. If the eyes are used to look at other women, then the heart it injected with poison by way of these arrows. As a result, the heart is unable to differentiate between right and wrong because of the poisonous passion that has infiltrated it.
You have stated that you proposed to your cousin and her family has accepted the proposal. However you desire to cancel the proposal due to falling in love with another girl.
Before coming to a conclusive decision on the matter, consider a few points.
It is a blessing of Allah that your marriage is confirmed and your cousin has agreed to marry you. Remember that it was you who initiated the matter by proposing to her.
On the other hand, you do not know whether the girl in reference will accept your proposal or not. If you cancel the proposal with your cousin and the girl in reference also declines, then you will be left with no one.
As mentioned earlier, looks are deceiving. This “love at first sight” is in fact an attack from Shaytan. You do not know the reality of this girl, whether relationship with her will be a source of happiness or not.
Our advice to you is that you control your gaze and refrain from thinking about the girl in reference. The more you keep your mind occupied in thinking about her it will create restlessness within your heart. And if you do decide to continue your relationship with your cousin, then get married to her as soon as possible. As emphasized in Shariah, one should not postpone marriage without a valid reason after the right match is found.
Nevertheless, it is always a good idea to speak to a scholar or experienced personality from your locality about the issue. You will be able to further express your inner feelings and they will aid you through their experiences and wisdom.
We make Dua that Allah Ta’ala guide you in making the correct decision. Ameen.
And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best
Abdul Azīm bin Abdur Rahman,
Student Darul Iftaa
U.S.A.
Checked and Concurred by,
Moulana Ismail Desai.