I am a muslim girl(30). I am in a relation with a guy (34) for the past 5 years. We are from same profession. We behaved as couple and he deflowered me. He said that he can marry me if his parents agree. We come from respected families. His parents have rejected me on the grounds that I have white spots but not on face. I really thought of him as a future husband and now he does not marry me. His parents and mine dont know about our feelings. In specific, his parents are unaware as they dont know about his son’s acts. Please help me as I cannot marry anyone else . We both are praying for tauba and istaghfar.
Respected sister in Islam,
Jazakillah for writing to us. We have noted the contents of your email.
It is best to speak to the imaam of your local masjid or a learned scholar in your area about the relationship between the two of you. It is important for both of you to be concerned not only about the fact that the man’s family does not want to accept you. Your greater concern should be your relationship with Allah Ta’ala.
I suggest that whilst you both try to get the imaam to convince his parents to allow you to get married, you cut off all ties with this man. There is no barakaah in continuing to have a relationship with the man outside of nikah.
He is haraam for you at the moment so it is best to protect yourself from the anger, punishment and wrath of Allah Ta’ala. Agreed, you have both made a mistake, Alhamdoelillah, you are making tawbah and istigfar. This clearly means that you are making a promise to Allah Ta’ala that you will give up the sin you are committing and that you will not return to it again.
Insha’Allah, by abstaining from being in contact with him and by continuing to make sincere tawbah and istigfar, Allah Ta’ala will grant you better in the future. If this man is not meant for you in marriage, continue to put your faith and trust in Allah Ta’ala. Turn your life around by treasuring and honoring yourself. Allah Ta’ala has granted you a very high status as a Muslim woman. You are a jewel who needs to be treasured, loved and admired by only that man who will be given to you in nikah. Allah Ta’ala is most Merciful and most Forgiving. He will not punish you nor abandon you if you turn sincerely to Him and give up that which is not acceptable for you as a Muslimah.
Cover yourself as Allah Ta’ala has commanded you to. Spend more time reading the Quran with understanding, make zikr constantly and perform tahajjud salaah every night. Involve yourself in activities, deeds and practices that will earn you Allah Ta’ala’s pleasure instead of his wrath and anger.
Give up those deeds and actions which will reduce you to being a helpless slave of shaitaan Always remember that you are the Creation of Allah Ta’ala and only the man He has destined for you as a husband will be the right one for you. Although you may feel unhappy now since the man’s family rejects you, remember that it may be what Allah Ta’ala wants for you. May Allah Ta’ala guide you to treasure yourself and honour yourself as you should truly be honoured and treasured. May you also be granted what is good for your imaan and your aagirah and may you be protected from what is harmful for you and your imaan. Ameen.
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