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Last year may my wife told me she wanted a divorce, she never really gave me many good reasons and all seem more like excuses to me..Should I keep nikah?

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Keep Nikah?

Last year may my wife told me she wanted a divorce, she never really gave me many good reasons and all seem more like excuses to me ,  we are in the proceedings of the legal divorce now (no date has been set yet) . She asked if after the legal divorce, we could wait with breaking the nikah , I am not too sure why she asked me this , the only thing i can think of is that this way we can still spend time together without sinning. She moved out last year september, in theory our relation is going great at the moment , but she has made it clear there should not be any expectations from either one. I also found out that she has been unfaithful to me last year which devestated me but I am willing to forget and forgive if she would be willing to try (with councelling) and work out whatever differences we may have. My question is as follows, I have reached a point where I am not sure why we are keeping the nikah, I told her yesterday I want a divorce and she seemed somewhat surprised by this. I really do love her lots , however i don’t want to keep the nikah just because it is convenienent for her or for me. I know how she is behaving and uses her looks and flirts to get whatever it is she wants , this grieves me a lot and it makes me wonder about our nikah even further. Should I keep the nikah for a while (at least until the legal divorce is through ) hoping she may change? I feel bad about keeping the nikah for convenience , but I also feel bad to not keep it as i really do love her lots, we have been married 11 years and have a beautiful son of 7 years old whom now spends a week with her and then a week with me

Should I wait a while ? I believe she is very confused and is in need of councelling for herself. I have no interest in any other woman so this is not the reason why I am thinking abouit talaaq.

Some words of advise and wisdom would be greatly appreciated


In the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful

Assalaamu `alaykum waRahmatullahi Wabarakatoh

Jazakallah for contacting the institute regarding the state of your marriage.

It is obvious to me from your mail that you are confused, unsure, not at peace and somewhat lost. Your mail leaves me with lots of questions and I would like you to consider my questions with a view to finding your way around your problems.

Has your wife at any stage agreed to go for counselling, either to a learned scholar of Islam or even to a secular counsellor?  Have you approached the elder family members to help guide the two of you in the matter?

If you have asked her, what has her reaction been to this? 

You say her requests for a divorce were excuses. Are you sure that she did not give you definite reasons but you interpreted them as excuses? Did you not read between the lines and get her real message?  Was yours an arranged marriage?

I cannot understand how you have arrived at a decision to give her a legal divorce but not a talaaq. What is the reasoning behind this? How is it ok to have a legal divorce and not a talaaq?

Whose idea was it to have a legal divorce?

You say she uses and flirts to get her way. Who does she do this with, you or others? If the latter, what do you do about it?

Have you considered going for counselling to an alim yourself? Have you spoken to a learned scholar to get guidance on this matter?

You ask “why am I thinking of talaaq?”

Could it be that you find that your ship is rudderless and lacks a pilot?

The Quran and Hadith are clear on the laws of marriage and who the leader in a marriage is.  Although mashura (consultation) is very important in a union, the husband is held responsible for whatever haraam behaviour a wife is involved in with other men during the marriage.

Brother, ultimately you have to make the decision as to how this relationship goes. You are free to write again if you wish.

May Allah Ta’ala guide you both and grant you the wisdom to make choices which will benefit you. Ameen.

And Allah knows best


Sister Fadila Social Dept.

Checked and Approved by:

Mufti Ebrahim Desai
Darul Iftaa, Madrassah In’aamiyyah

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This answer was collected from Askimam.org, which is operated under the supervision of Mufti Ebrahim Desai from South Africa.

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