Slmz, I’m a 19 yr old girl and my biggest fear in life is that I’m going to end up not being married. I haven’t committed any major sins and I’m still a virgin. However it really bothers me that I’m going to end up alone, I know I should have Imaan that this will not happen, how do I rid myself of this horrible feeling? Is there a dua I can make that will take this feeling away from me? I do make all my salaah everyday
In the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful
Assalaamu `alaykum waRahmatullahi Wabarakatoh
Jazakillah for writing to the institute regarding your concerns regarding marriage. This is an important aspect of your life as a Muslimah and your desire to fulfill this sunnah is commendable. Alhamdoelillah, you are young and aware of your duties and responsibilities as a Muslimah. May Allah Ta’ala grant you a pious and responsible husband in marriage, ameen. I also wonder why you feel so negative about your future. Would you like to share these concerns with me?
Sister, do please remember that our destiny and future is totally in the control of our Creator. Sometimes we may desire what is totally halaal and allowed but due His knowledge and plans, Allah Ta’ala may not grant it to us because He knows what is good for us. You may be aware that so many married couples do not have children. How can that be? It is only Allah Ta’ala who has answers to that as we know that children are also a great gift to a couple from Allah Ta’ala. Likewise, there may be other couples who have lots of children and we may think, “why do they have so many children” and I have none? Some parents are granted children but they pass away in early childhood or before their parents pass away. Yet others have children and those children turn out to cause pain and grief to their parents.
We have to remember that we should constantly make dua to Allah Ta’ala and ask for all our needs. We have also been reminded that some of our duas are answered immediately, some are answered at a later time and most importantly, we will find that those duas which are answered in the aagirah are the ones we should be most pleased with. What we are denied here in this world, we will receive in abundance in the aakhirah.
You are only 19 years old. I take it that you are studying or have completed your schooling. Allow me to suggest that you now undertake to study the Quran and Hadith. You will benefit greatly from this undertaking as you will learn what AllahTa’ala has conveyed to us in the Quran and how you should conduct your life as a Muslimah. So many of us go through life not understanding and knowing what it is to be a true Muslim. Here you have an opportunity to learn what your responsibilities, duties and reason for being a Muslimah are and insha’allah, also learn that you have leadership responsibilities as a wife, mother and member of the ummah. Insha’allah, through learning these, you will be prepared for a rich life as a Creation of Allah Ta’ala for you will learn that you are so precious, so special and worthy. Think about this sister, even the most beloved wife of Nabi(sallallaahu alayhi wassallam), Ayesha (radiallahu anhaa) did not have any children. yet, she made the greatest contribution to Islam. She conveyed the greatest amount of Hadith and knowledge which we are now benefiting from. We have to have hope that Allah Ta’ala will grant husbands to all young men and women and at teh same time accept what Allah Ta’ala has destined for us and not go into depression or lose in His love for us.
Keep up with your good deeds, duas, maintain a chaste life, observe your daily salaah, zikr, Quranic reading with understanding and serve your parents as you should. Insha’allah, you will be rewarded as only Allah Ta’ala can reward us. May Allah Ta’ala grant you what is good for you and protect you from what is harmful to you in this world and the aagirah. Ameen
And Allah knows best
Checked and Approved by:
Mufti Ebrahim Desai
Darul Iftaa, Madrassah In’aamiyyah