my husband said to me if his best friend (whom I like due to his effort for islam) is my destination I´m allowed to go to him. He sad this more than thrice. But first time he sad:” You start to roll this stone and carry out until the end ?He meant due to my love to this brother, I can go to him.
Jazakallah for referring your problem to the institute.
Sister, Islam is very clear about the relationship between a husband and his wife. Your total allegiance, total loyalty and admiration is for your husband, for this is what helps the ties to bind and the love to grow. You are allowed to admire and love Nabi (sallallaahu alayhi wassallam), the illustrious sahaba and the wonderful women of that era with zeal. We should love them to the extent that we desire to reach their level of piety, modesty, imaan and sacrifice. All of us here on earth presently are but a mere shadow of the previous great scholars and learned elders of Islam. These people were fallible too, yet they earned the respect, love and admiration of millions all over the world due to their modesty and taqwa.
You may recall that we are allowed to make sajdah to Allah Ta’ala only. Our
beloved Nabi (sallallaahu alayhi wassallam) is reported to have mentioned
that in the likelihood that permission was given for sajdah to be made to a
human being, then a wife would have been commanded to make sajdah to her
husband. In our limited understanding we do not realise the gravity of this
concept. A wife has been granted a husband by Allah Ta’ala’s decree. A
husband has been made the head of the household and it is up to the wife to
make sure she turns that house into a palace and that she becomes it’s
Queen. Her efforts in every aspect of her life with her husband will help
her realise this status.
Allah Ta’ala created the institution of marriage and gave you to your
husband as a most wonderful gift, to love, cherish and treasure. You both
are supposed to derive comfort, solace and pleasure from each other and not
heartache and hurt. Think of it this way. If your husband kept on telling
you that he admires another woman, that she is most pious and that he
‘loves’ her for that quality, how will you react and respond to this
constant comparison? Will you not feel that your husband does not appreciate
you and that he has eyes, ears and possibly heart for another woman and that
he has discarded you?
You may think your husband is not pious enough, that is a judgement only
Allah Ta’ala can make because only He knows what is in our hearts.
You write below, ” he meant due to my Love to this brother, I ………….”
What do you mean by this? That you do love him? So does this mean that
besides admiration and liking, you also love him? Shaitaan’s waswasa have
got to you. Unfortunately, even so-called pious people are also manipulated
by shaitaan to destroy marriages and one’s imaan.
Sister, I suggest that you humbly seek Allah Ta’ala’s forgiveness, guidance
and mercy. You need to take stock of your loyaly and fidelity to your
husband. Allah Ta’ala is most merciful, so seek your husband’s forgiveness
and refresh your love for your husband.
All is not lost. You have made a mistake and do your best to make amends.
Your husband is most likely very hurt by your open admiration of another
man. You will have to put up with his displeasure till he realises that you
are sincere and loyal to him only. Cut off all ties with this other man.
Don’t talk to him, look at him or have him in your home at all. Do not talk
about him at all. As far as you are concerned, he is history.
I suggest that you increase your nafl salaah and seek Allah Ta’ala’s
guidance and assistance in abundance. Also increase istigfaar, zikr and
recitation of darood so that you can keep shaitaan at bay with Allah
Ta’ala’s help. I strongly suggest that you get an English translation of the
Holy Quran so that you can fully appreciate what your life as a Muslim woman
is meant to be like. Allah Ta’ala had strong reasons for commanding all
Muslim men and women to abstain from intermingling with the opposite sex.
You are now experiencing the consequences of intermingling since shaitaan is
rocking your marriage.
May Allah Ta’ala guide you towards making amends with your husband and
protect you from the waswasa of shaitaan. Ameen.
And Allah Ta’ala knows best.
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CHECKED AND APPROVED: Mufti Ebrahim Desai