i came to you for some advice im 19 years of age. i’ve been dating a girl for almost 3 years now…and we are very serious about our realtionship…i have a guilt feeling knowing that what im doing is wrong and and sinful.i want to get married to her so does she but the thing is she is the youngest daughter and she will have to wait…what i said was to do nikka she accepts,but she does not want a imam to get involved.is there any other methods.as i want this realtionship to be halal.can you plz help me.im in need of some advice.
Jazakallah for writing to the institute regarding your desire to get
married.
I take it that the lady is younger than you or your age. You are both young
at the moment and you indicate that she will have to wait till her other
siblings get married. You have both been dating each other for three years.
You also mention a desire to get married secretly since you say that you are
troubled about the fact that you are sinning and doing wrong at the moment.
I would like to commend you for wanting to stop dating and perform nikah as
soon as possible. However you state that she does not want to have an imaam
present at your nikah. Brother, both of you have a problem at this point.
She is not allowed to marry you without the presence and consent of a
mahram. Her waalee has to be there to represent her. Any other way is not
allowed in Islam. There are lots of problems you will may encounter if you
get married secretly. Your parents and her parents too, will find out one
day that you both have deceived them, how do you think they will feel about
this? What if she falls pregnant? Can you understand that in Islam,
marriage is not just a pact made between two people. It is also an
undertaking which is made before Allah Ta’ala. You complete half your imaan
when you get married. You need Allah Ta’ala’s blessings and rahma to descend
on your union. Secret nikah is not acceptable.
Please approach the imaam in your area or your parents and ask them to
approach her parents with a proposal of marriage. They should impress upon
her parents that Islam requires that when their offspring have met their
match, the nikah should not be delayed but performed immediately. Her being
the youngest daughter should not be an obstacle to her getting married now.
I would also like to know if you are employed and in a position to support a
wife. This is a very important consideration you have to keep in mind. Will
your parents help you financially and morally? Do you think you are ready to
undertake the responsibilities of marriage? I ask you these questions
because dating and being married are not the same.
My hope is that you are both aware that marriage entails shouldering the
responsibiliies of adults. Namely, having to adapt to each other’s likes,
dislikes, moods, shortcomings, idiosyncrasies, and much more. Do discuss
your plans with your family and try to do the honourable by getting married
openly.
Finally but not least, I do hope that you have sought Allah Ta’ala’s
guidance on this matter.
May Allah Ta’ala guide you both and protect your imaan. Ameen.
And Allah Ta’ala knows best.
Wassalaam,
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