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Should I leave my girlfriend?

Answered as per Hanafi Fiqh by Askimam.org


Salamun alaykum!

I have a girlfriend for almost a year. First, we were thinking like “we are going to marry inshaAllah so we can keep talking and keep dating. And our parents know that we are trying to know each other and they also know that we want to marry when we are ready”.  So she and me met only 1 time and we spent time together alone at a house for 1 night. We did not sleep but we made many wrong things as you can understand. After that we did not meet again because we live another cities. We have been and still talking on phone. But right know we know that we did extremely bad things and we want to mercy from Allah and we know that what we are doing is haram (dating) . But she and me dont want to loose each other because of our past and our love to each oter and we do not want to loose mercy from Allah as well. 

I am 20 years old and she is 19. At least we need about 2 years to get marry because I and she want to improve ourselves about Islam, about how to be a really Muslim family, and improving ourselves for another things as you can understand. I mean we need some time to be really an adult for become a family. We know that we mustn’t keep talking and dating anymore. But she thinks that may be we loose our love to each other in that time. I believe Allah, she believes Allah but she has some doubts about our relationship. I do not want to loose mercy and peace of Allah. And I do not want to loose her also.. 

Can you please tell us what to do? Should we break our relationship until we are ready to marry? I mean not to keep talking to each other anymore? 

Thank you really much!

Salamun Alaykum



In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.

As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.

We commend your attitude on wishing to lead a life according to the dictates of Islam at such a sensitive age.

That being said, your involvement with this girl is contrary to the teachings of Islam. Although you intend to marry her, it is not permissible for you to remain in contact with her. You admitted that you’ve had unlawful relations with her. Do not tempt each other by remaining in communication with her. Allah says,

وَلَا تَقْرَبُوا الزِّنَا ۖ إِنَّهُ كَانَ فَاحِشَةً وَسَاءَ سَبِيلًا {32} 

Translation: Do not go near (any pathways leading to) unlawful sexual intercourse. Indeed, it is ever an immorality and is evil as a way. (Quran 17:32)

A solution to your predicament can be – with the permission and consent of your parents – that you arrange for your Nikah with this girl to be performed. Thereafter, you may live separately and continue to remain in contact with her. 

If this is not possible, then you must break all ties from her. When you are prepared to get married, you may speak to your parents and request them to search for a suitable spouse.

Bear in mind that if you wish to have a blessed and blissful marriage, you must first correct the foundations for that marriage.

And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best

Saad Haque

Student Darul Iftaa
New Jersey, USA

Checked and Approved by,
Mufti Ebrahim Desai.

This answer was collected from Askimam.org, which is operated under the supervision of Mufti Ebrahim Desai from South Africa.

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