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I have a big problem getting married and my family is deseperately depressed. I got engaged 2 times before and each time my engagement breaks up for strange reasons.

Answered as per Hanafi Fiqh by Askimam.org

I tried several times to submit my question but I always fail, I hope this time I get to inshallah.I am 30 years old girl and from a respectful family, and very well educated el hamdulelah and I have a very bad luck in getting married. Q The last one we were both really in love with each other, but he still broke up with me and I don’t know the reasons. He just said we are different, but I was ready to do anything to make him happy. I still know he loves me and he is the only one I really loved and the only one I can see as my husband, my family is desperate to get me married and they are very afraid I will never get married. I am good looking el hamdullelah and there is nothing wrong with me, I want to reunite with my fiancé again and be married, I pray a lot and ask God to bring us back together, I prayed istikhara before we got engaged but still God doesn’t answer my prayers I don’t know yh. Why is this happening to me and what can I do or pray or dua to overcome this and be like the all the rest of the girls who are married and having children around me? Please help me.


Jazakallah for writing to the institute. Please do forgive me for the long delay in replying to your mail. You appear to be very concerned about not being married and you state that your family is also stressed due to this reason.

Sister, Allah Ta’ala has written out our destiny for us and if Allah Ta’ala has decreed a partner for you than you will meet him. If there is no partner written in your life for you, then that is what you will have to accept. However, having said that, let me point out to you that you are still relatively young and as you mention you are a well educated and an attractive person. Sometimes one has to wait with sabr for one’s duas to be answered.

You say you have had two engagements which have been terminated inexplicably. There has to be some reason for this to have happened. Would you like to explore the possible reasons with me so that you can have a clearer idea as to what lead to the termintation? I recall that in Egypt, the young lady’s parents can sometimes request a house and other material possessions for their daughter before the wedding. If the prospective groom cannot afford it, then he breaks off the engagement. I do not say that this is the reason for your broken engagements but there have to be some definate reasons why this has happened.

If your previous fiance is not prepared to marry you do not push the issue. There can be no happiness for you in a union which you have forced due to your emotional desires. The man may just marry you out of pity and not due to respect. Do try and think about this carefully. You are still relatively young although your parents think you are ‘old’. By all means turn to Allah Ta’ala through salaah and duas. Do not let the desire for marriage stop from leading a productive life. Serve your community and Allah Ta’ala. Try to get on with your life and use your talents and skills to serve Allah Ta’ala.

Since you are well educated I am sure you have much to offer your fellow human beings. Allah Ta’ala in His infinite mercy will reward you with much better, if not in this world, then in the herafter. Like I said, if He has willed a partner for you, than you will meet him.

Ask your family to help you by making lots of dua for you too. Ask them to support you emotionally and to accept Allah Ta’ala’s will and plans for you. This really is not a realistic reason for anyone to become mentally ill and depressed about. May Allah Ta’ala grant you what He thinks is best for you, ameen.

and Allah Ta’ala Knows Best



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This answer was collected from Askimam.org, which is operated under the supervision of Mufti Ebrahim Desai from South Africa.

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