My father is a univ. prof. and he has been having a phone relationship with one of his assistant teachers. Anyway, he talks to her over 2-3 hours a day at very late and early hours. My mother knows about the phone calls, and the presents but he tells her she is like his daughter. She feels something’s wrong, but she tries to deny it, and considers it a phase that he?ll pass and everything will return to normal. My brother and I try to tell her everything’s alright and nothing more than phone calls can happen. A few days ago, I found on his computer, a number of nude pictures of the girl she sent him. I couldn?t believe it, because we?re in Egypt and people here are conservative. I never thought their relationship can go that far. I thought of e-mailing her and telling her I have the pictures, and that she has to stay away from my father, or else. But, at the same time I know this is kind of blackmailing and is ultimately not right in the eyes of Islam. But what should I do, I can’t confront him, because I?m afraid he might take some sort of action with my mother. I can’t tell her because she?ll be destroyed. Can you please tell me what Islam says is right? I think I should go on with the e-mail, because I?m positive it will work, although I have no intent of ever exposing those pictures ( Min satar moslim fel dunya satarahoh Allah fe ela7?ra). Please help!
The contents of your mail are most displeasing and distressing. It must be painful for you, the offspring, to find your father behaving most unacceptably and against Allah Ta’ala’s commandments. You are right, this is not the way for a Muslim to conduct himself at any stage of his life, let alone as a father and as a husband.
Your suggestion to confront this woman may just backfire very severely against your dad. She could easily turn around and say that your father blackmailed her or whatever. She could follow that up by claiming that she had no way out but to give in to his demands. In this way, your whole family could be disrupted and destroyed. This is only my opinion but if she is prepared to send him pics of herself, she may do much worse so I would like you to be aware of that. She could also tell your father that you or your mother have threatened her. (You have mentioned your fear that your father will turn on your mother).
Your father is the one who has to be dealt with immediately. Don’t you have an uncle, aunt, a very close family friend or the local Imaam whom you and your brother could talk to confidentialy? Your father has to give up his unacceptable practices before he hurts your whole family. You could hand over the picture to the trusted person and ask him/her to call your dad over and tell him that his lies and deception are out in the open and that he stands to loose everything that is dear to him if he does not stop. (You and your brother need not be mentioned at all nor the source of the photographs. In fact if your father thinks that somebody is out to trap him, all the
better.) If the fear of Allah Ta’ala does not stop him, then the fear of exposure might just do it. If his own actions lead to exposure, then that is a burden he has to face due to his indiscretions and none of you have to blame yourselves for it.
You are right to protect your mother from pain. It is better not to tell her about the pictures. Do you think that you could have an influence in changing the environment in your home? I suggest that you make Quranic reading, salaah and zikr a greater feature in your home. You could perhaps leave books on the obedience of Allah Ta’ala and the duties of family members to each other on the table etc. so that he gets the message somehow. My hope is that this will arouse an awakening in your father that he has strayed very severely from the straight path. Insha’allah, you will all benefit as a family and move closer to Allah Ta’ala. Regard this is a test from Allah Ta’ala. He does not misguide us nor does He make us go astray. However, it is up to everyone of us to turn to Him in repentance.
May Allah Ta’ala guide your father to give up this indiscretion and may He guide all of us to good deeds. Ameen. Please feel free to write again.
and Allah Ta’ala Knows Best
CHECKED AND APPROVED: Mufti Ebrahim Desai