What should a muslim family do if their daughter runs away. This daughter ran away once before, and then was convinced to return. However now she ran away again, this time because she states she wants to be free. Also she is in “love” with an american male. We don’t know the extent of this relationship. Under islamic law should she be punished?
Respected Brother-in-Islam
Assalaamu Alaykum Wa Rahmatullaahi Wa Barakaatuhu
The matter you have referred to is of a very delicate nature. The question
of her being punished will not be applicable. In an un-Islamic state where
western concepts of equality and immorality is rife, wisdom and diplomacy
will have to be implemented.
Firstly, turn to Allah Ta’ala and ask His assistance. Try to obtain more
information concerning her ideologies. What does she mean she wants to be
free? What has initiated the idea? Is there someone pressurising her? Is she
in love with someone? What is the extent of the relationship?
Try to use one of her friends and confidants to obtain the information you
need. Corporal punishments in this case will only add fuel to the fire.
Instead of gaining closer to her, Allah Ta’ala forbid, you may lose her.
This may be hard on you but you have no alternative. Try to arrange a
meeting with her, convince her this time you will not scold her or reprimand
her, you would only like to talk to her. Show her that you really love her.
In this meeting, tell her to be open minded. Give her the chance to speak
her heart out (not hiding anything from you).
Many youngsters have a barrier with their parents. They cannot express
themselves with them. Allah willing in this meeting, you will have an idea
of what are her thoughts and desires. Explain to her that the reason for
your concern is the mere fact that you love her, you have feeling for her,
you care for her well-being. Explain to her that being free and feminism is
an unnatural, artificial and abnormal product of modern day disintegration
which in turn is the inevitable result of the rejection of all moral and
spiritual values.
Convince her that being free is an abnormal way to be adopted by a female.
All human cultures make a clear cut distinction between ‘masculinity’ and
‘feminity’. The social role for men and women are different. Explain to her
that she is still young she has a life in front of her. She is only a screen
that Shaytaan has placed in front of her eyes. She should not be deceived by
Shaytaan. Does she really want to sacrifice her family for her freedom? What
is freedom? Islam and the teaching of our beloved Rasul (Sallallaahu Alayhi
Wasallam) in the real sense is freedom. If you follow the western way of
life, there is really no freedom.
Take a look around yourself, the Americans, for example, ‘they do what they
like, eat what they feel like, promiscuous society.’ ‘If you really ask
them, ‘how is life’, they will answer very difficult.’ Now stop for a
second. Look around yourself. Do you really want this type of freedom (which
by the way is limited). Are you really ready for such a type of a life. Will
you be able to cope out there all by yourself. If you are doing this all
because you fell in love with a man, think is it really love or illusion?
How well do you know him? Is he a Muslim? How is his behaviour and habit,
etc?
a) These are just guidelines, you will have to take things step by step.
b) Do not haste in your method.
c) Make lots of Du’aas. Allah Ta’ala only is the changer of hearts.
d) Be very loving and caring towards her. Make her feel that she is really a
part of the family and her absences are really being felt.
e) Start reading the Fadhaail-e-Aamaal in the home collectively if you are
not reading. This Kitaab has proved very beneficial to people.
and Allah Ta’ala Knows Best
Mufti Ebrahim Desai
FATWA DEPT.