Who should I please first?If a wife does not respect her mother-inlaw & be-littles,swears her in front of her husband,What should the husband do?

Answered according to Hanafi Fiqh by

Alot of couseling & talks but no solution -Is talaaq the only way out?


Jazakallah for writing to the institute regarding your wife’s unacceptable behaviour towards your mother. You ask whom you should please first.

Brother, you are not belittling, being disrespectful and swearing your mother so I do not think it is a matter of who you should please. It is your mother’s right over you that you should always treat her with kindness and respect.

You seem to have a problem with your wife’s attitude towards your mother and you appear to have difficulty in dealing with this problem. Is your wife a very young person who may be immature and lacking in social graces or is there a definate problem between your mother and her which gives rise to conflict between them? How long have you been married? Although you are caught up in the middle here, you need to be fair in figuring out what the real problem is. Have you been able to work out what the clashes are due to? What gives rise to your wife’s bad behaviour? Have you approached her parents with a view to counselling her further? Have you three had a meeting with respected neutral persons to work out the problem at hand?

Is it possible that your wife is experiencing a great of stress and that she is using your mother as an outlet for her frustration? Are you folk living together and if so, won’t it be a better idea to live seperately so that tensions can ease off on both sides? It is difficult for me to explore this situation further without more information.

You mention that counselling has been done and you also ask if talaaq is an option. Brother, you shouldn’t think of talaaq as the first option. Do write again with more information and perhaps you may just be able to see this issue a little differently with an outsider providing another view to the situation. May Allah Ta’ala fill your home and your life with love, understanding and affection and may He guide all of you to live in peace to earn Allah Ta’ala’s pleasure and rahma. Ameen.

And Allah Ta’ala knows best.

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