What should I do for this feeling of emptiness that just doesn’t go away?
I am writing regarding something I have been thinking about the last couple of months. Sometimes I feel so alone. I am away at a university in another state away from my parents. This is my first year, so I will have to stay 3 more years after this one. Even though I will visit during vacations, I am beginning to wonder whether or not it was worth leaving when I could have spent four more years with my parents who are growing older. I am the only child so I am really scared that if anything happens to them I will be all alone. What should I do, any duas? Also, I often feel alone and wish that I could speak to Allah and actually hear his response through a sign or something. I know this is what duas are for, but sometimes I still feel empty after doing dua. I wish I could hug Allah and just cry on His lap, so to speak. I wish I could communicate with Allah and receive directions from him as what to do. Sometimes I just talk to Him by myself and pretend like he’s sitting right next to me. I know He is around me all the time, but I wish I could just get this empty feeling out of myself. Sorry for this long question but I wanted to tell someone my inner feelings. I would really appreciate a detailed suggestion if possible, as I have been trying to submit a question for a long time.
Jazakallah for writing to the institute. Brother your situation is not a unique one in that most of us are faced with questions of our existence, life and death and the future at some stage in our lives. I do not know how old you are but since you say that this is your first year at university, you are probably 18 or 19 years old. One can feel isolated, insecure and apprehensive when one leaves the comfort and security of one’s family and home for the first time. The thoughts which are bothering you can be exacerbated due to your isolation. You are understandably “homesick” and you therefore have to take measures to overcome this problem.
Allow me to suggest that you join the MSA in your university or in the area which you are living in. Try to form a healthy relationship with an imaam, teh tabliq jamaat, a learned scholar or pious students who can be your mentors and guides whilst you are away from home. It is better not to remain isolated as this gives shaitaan an opportunity to demoralize you and fill you with anxiety. Since you are an only child, it is also understandable that your attachment to your parents is stronger.
Brother you have to realise that you have to learn a trade/obtain a profession and prepare yourself to earn a living in adulthood. Your concerns about your parents are not realistic at the moment as they are probably able to look after themselves unless they are very ill. It is when they are much older that you will be expected to look after them and provide for them in whatever way you can, be it financially and otherwise. It is best that you concentrate on your studies at the moment.
Your fear of being alone can also be overcome if you put your full trust and reliance in Allah Ta’ala. Remember, everyone of us have to return to our Creator someday. None of us know who will leave first. Our parents or we, the offspring. It is important that you make lots of dua for them, enquire about their health and needs whenever you can and be attentive towards them when you are with them. You can speak to Allah Ta’ala five times a day without fail in your salaah. This is teh time Allah Ta’ala has set down especially for you to take all your problems to Him and to remember Him. There are also optional salaah you can perform everyday as you wish. I again urge you not to go on being alone. It is most imperative that you join other Muslim brothers and assist the community where you are studying. Your feelings of emptiness will be filled with feelings of contentment and fulfillement by having contact with supportive, caring and involved fellow Muslims who are serving Allah Ta’ala’s deen, insha’allah. May Allah Ta’ala guide you and help you to overcome your anxiety, ameen. Please feel free to write to us again if you wish.
and Allah Ta’ala Knows Best
Sister Fadila
SOCIAL DEPT.
CHECKED & APPROVED: Mufti Ebrahim Desai (FATWA DEPT.)