In educating children,I always believed to use the gentle approach as there are lots of nas urging muslims to be gentle(rafiqa).However a friend of mine disagree.He says the harsh approach is good also so that the person is being shook up to change.In Islam there are also many instances when the harsh approach is used,e.g. the boycott incident after Tabuk ghazwah.Also Saidina Omar is a harsh person.Is he right? What are the situations where it is better to be harsh than gentle?
We disagree that Sayyiduna Umar (Radhiallaahu Anhu) was harsh. He was stern
but not harsh.
All children and all circumstances cannot be dealt in the same light. The
general approach to children should be one of gentleness and compassion.
However, in some circumstances, sterness and a strict approach is required.
This applies when the child is stubborn or rude. This is something which the
parent has to tune into. He must get a good understanding of his children,
and be able to recognize when the child is being stubborn. In such cases, he
should sternly discipline the child. This stern will only be effective if
the child is given compassion when he co-operates. The approach is both a
stick and carrot technique.
and Allah Ta’ala Knows Best
Moulana Imraan Vawda
FATWA DEPT.
CHECKED AND APPROVED CORRECT: Mufti Ebrahim Desai