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What do i do?

Answered as per Hanafi Fiqh by Askimam.org

My honourable respected mufti

السلام عليكم ورحمه الله وبركاته

I begin firstly by saying jazakallah for mufti’s effort may Allah accept Ameen.

I am 22 years old, and always had the desire to get married since I was 18. Maybe then I wasn’t responsible enough but now I have changed completely. I am a haafidh and currently I am a student studying aalim in my 5th year, I am fully aware of the rights and wrongs in my life. alhamdulillah I have minimised 90% of what I might have been doing wrong since I began my course. There’s just a single problem I face which I don’t know how to come out of because of my nature. I have known one specific girl for 2 years now we haven’t spoken for the entire 2 years because we both acknowledged tht it is totally unislamic, however for the past 4 months we began speaking again and she has always been really attached to me,so now we reached a point of attachment. Initially I was confused on wether she was the right one for me I turned to Allah for guidance and made istikarah and my confusion turned into inclination. Which is probably inclination for marriage but now I am destroying it. Mufti I don’t want to continue in this wrong, eventhough we don’t go out or so on but we end up speaking on the phone quite often and because of my nature I can’t just leave if I do I would destroy her feelings completely. She has be going through a tough patch in her life and I have been supportive which is totally haraam because we are not married yet but now I have no idea on what to do. The thing is shes not ready yet and she wants me to be there for her until shes ready. Being a student of deen I regret the decisions I made because of the wrong in it, but now I am stuck in this situation. She is in her final year aalima and probably would only be ready after this year.

I know and I am fully aware of the wrong in this. I know we destroying the barakah of marriage when it is to come. I just don’t know what to do because if I just have to leave it could destroy her life completely.

Please help me mufti I am really really in need.



In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.

As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.

Muhtaram Brother,

Aameen to your duas.

Your intention to get married to save yourself from zinah is noble.

We commend you for not engaging in an illicit relationship with the girl for the past two years.

You also state that you have minimised the wrong you have been doing. This is a clear sign of your Iman. Your Iman is rejecting your mistake and spurred you to repent and regret of the wrong. You did so sincerely and renewed your Iman. You have acted correctly.

Brother, you are in the fifth year of the Aalim course and the girl is in her final year. We should not be reminding you of the vice and ill effects of Zina and entering into an illicit relationship. Both of you are well aware of the consequences of such relationships.

Firstly, repent to Allah Ta’ala and cut of any connection that you may have with the girl in reference.  Moreover, have a sincere intention to protect yourself in the future and to avoid speaking to the opposite gender without a genuine need.

Marriage is an extremely important step and a lifelong responsibility. It is a lifetime commitment in which a long-term relationship is established as a family. In choosing a spouse, all related issues must be carefully contemplated. When one is choosing a spouse, he is choosing a companion for the rest of his life. Hence, it is of utmost importance than one makes a constructive decision, deliberates every avenue and thinks for the long term. A pious spouse will be a source of contentment and preservation of one’s Deen.

If both of you wish to get married, you should adopt principles and discuss the issue with some responsible person in the family, perhaps an elderly reputable person to communicate and influence both parents to get both of you married.

You state the girl in reference is not ready to get married. Then you should perform nikaah only and prolong the rukhsati for a later stage. If she is not ready for that too, then you have to ask yourself if her love for you is genuine.

If the girl does not agree to perform the Nikaah, you should control your emotions and refrain from any communication with the girl in reference.  The more you keep your mind occupied in thinking about her it will create restlessness within your heart. 

Finally, Allah will decree what is best in His infinite knowledge for you.

May Allah Ta’ala bless you with the most compatible partner who is a means of happiness for you in this world and the hereafter. Aameen.

And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best

Muhammad I.V Patel

Student Darul Iftaa
Lusaka, Zambia

Checked and Approved by,
Mufti Ebrahim Desai.

This answer was collected from Askimam.org, which is operated under the supervision of Mufti Ebrahim Desai from South Africa.

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