Assalam o alikum . I’m 35 Years old lady with two young kids , from UK. I’m very desperate as my husband really hates me and keeps every kind of discomfort for me. Tell wrong and bad things about me to his family and other relatives about me, they in return only let me down and totally trust him. Finicially he gives me just to full fill very basic expenses. With young kids expenses do go up unwillingly. But he openly says it’s your problem not mine. As from the beginning of our marriage he never wanted kids. I wanted. Used to pray for them alot . I used to think he is just saying. He will be ok once we will have kids. But still he finds very hard to be around them. For him they are just unconvince , just noise ,just burden and responsibility . He spends time with them very rare n when and how he wants. Like watching movies n that’s all. No other responsibility like their education or training or sports or social setup. Nothing. I live with his family, where everyone just hates me openly and clearly. It’s been 12 years. Kids are 8/5 year old. A girl n boy. Very beautiful ,smart, healthy. Mashallah. He wants to spend money where n how he wants. . Then he wants to sleep sleep. Or watch TV n then on his phone whenever he is in home. He hates me so much. Whatever I do for him, cook, do stuff for his family, for house, for kids, nothing appeals to him. Now after coming from Pakistan. I studied hard, with no support n got some job in school. So money matters can be easy. As there was non stop talking about this. I don’t want brands or high fiy life. But he is not eager to provide basic claen respectable living. For him we need nothing. Kids needs nothing. Before my job, my most expensive were done by my family undercover. This hurt me so Allah help me in job. Going to Pakistan. He is not welling to pay tickets. Says just remember we can’t afford it. That’s all. But I have my parents there. Whom I love to my life . N when here is not respect. I hardly live for kids schools. So I go there very hardly . Now after all this he is not welling to satisfy my emotional n physical needs. He says do whatever you want but I’m not helping you. He says he hates so I can’t use him. If I go. Request . He do. But then he behaves more more badly in the morning with me. Shouts more and angry more. I’m young, I do practice Islam to my best. I need him. But he shows me other evil ways. Even said to me few times to find a man for myself. I do ignore my needs. But sometimes I’m finished. Over loaded . Which makes my time, my sleep hard. Very hard. Create anger,hatred ,revenge for him n for his family. I do try my best to be busy badly busy till I’m dead tired , like with long long work. Long walk. Stuff with kids. Teaching them after my work. But still I’m a human. Not an angel. Can’t kill myself. Though think of this. He wants me to go n leave. But I don’t want to snatch kids dad from them. N make them suffer. I wanted more kids. But after all this. It’s so hard to keep myself n kids up n well. Kindly support n suggest me. I’m dying from inside. No-one understands me here. Cares about me. At all. For them I’m nothing but evil. Calls me with bad names. Gives me bad comments. My family n parents says do what you want. They understand it’s very hard. They do pray. They say we are with you. But you need to take step. N stand up. N I’m not aware what n how to do. Waiting for your reply. So much. Jzk.
In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.
Sister in Islam,
We take note of the content of your email and pray that Allah Taa’la makes your condition easy.
If what you state about your husband and in laws reflects the reality of the situation, then their conduct is unfortunate. May Allah Ta’ala grant you courage to overcome this challenge.
It is stated in the Hadith:
عَنْ أَبِي سَعِيدٍ، وَأَبِي هُرَيْرَةَ أَنَّهُمَا سَمِعَا رَسُولَ اللهِ صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ، يَقُولُ مَا يُصِيبُ الْمُؤْمِنَ مِنْ وَصَبٍ، وَلَا نَصَبٍ، وَلَا سَقَمٍ، وَلَا حَزَنٍ حَتَّى الْهَمِّ يُهَمُّهُ، إِلَّا كُفِّرَ بِهِ مِنْ سَيِّئَاتِهِ
Translation: “It has been narrated by Abu Saeed Khudri and Abu Hurairah Radhyallauh anhuma that Nabi Sallallahu alihi wasallam said: “No fatigue, nor disease, nor sickness, nor sadness, nor the distress that befalls a Believer, except that some of his sins are expiated (due to the harm that he/she has been afflicted with)”. (Muslim 4/1992)
Allah Ta’ala says:
وَاسْتَعِينُوا بِالصَّبْرِ وَالصَّلَاةِ
Translation: “And seek help with patience and Salah”. (Al-Baqarah, 45)
We advise you to be patient and turn towards Allah Ta’ala with Dua and Salatul Hajah.
Allah Taa’la blessed you with beautiful children. Focus your life on nurturing them. These days will pass by soon. You will see the sweet fruits of your sabr and patience. Don’t despair. Be positive and strong. Inshallah, Allah Taa’la will change the heart of your husband and the present condition.
And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best
Student Darul Iftaa
New York, USA
Checked and Approved by,
Mufti Ebrahim Desai.