I have a question regarding practice of Deen . Alhamdulillah, my siblings and I are up in a very Deen I household and as such have a lot of knowledge of Deen and have always been very practicing. Now, my two eldest brothers( one who is a Hafiz and one who is almost a Hafiz, one is in college and the other in high school) have been having trouble praying their five daily Salah for about two years now. And now for the past 6-7 months they have stopped praying 5 times a day. Now this really scares me and worries both me and my parents. I am really worried because this hurts my parents and I am scared for my brothers, and the major sins that they are committing. I am really worried because they just seem to be going further and further away and I don’t know how to help them. I also don’t want to drive them further away from Deen by giving advice in the wrong manner ( forcing them to pray, etc.)
There is one thing tho, I know that the reason they stopped praying is because of all the expectations and judgements that the Muslim community has put on them. No matter what they do no one seems to be happy with them. The past few years have been really hard, because we were homeschooling and we didn’t get to do a lot of things that normal people do. Things wrrewalwaya really tense in our gouse because of small things, like if my brothers didnt go to the masjid my dad wouldnt talk to them for days or if they wanted to get a haircut they wouldnt be allowed to. I know that my parents were only ever trying to help and nurture us, but sometimes things did get too extreme. I think that things just got too much for my brother’s and they went completely the other way. Now I wanna help them, and talk to them in a way that they will actually listen and not wave me off like they do everyone else. I’m scared that if we pressure them too much it will only drive them further away from Deen. But I still want them to realize the error of their ways, and I want to help them.
Some days it feels like there’s no hope and things just keep getting worse and worse. I know that guidance is only in the hands of Allah swt, and I’m scared that guidance will not be given to my brothers. My parents blame themselves for my brother’s current state, but I keep reminding them that they did nothing wrong. I don’t know how to make things right and I just want us to be a happy, deeni family like we used to be.
I would appreciate it if u kept this private and it would mean so much to me if u replied. Jazakallah, a Sister in Islam ( 15 years old)
In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.
We take note of the contents of your email.
It is encouraging to note your passion for Deen and your desire to help your siblings become better Muslims. Make Allāh Ta`ālā help you fulfill this endeavor. Ameen.
Rasulullah Sallalahu Alayhi Wasallam has stated in a Hadith,
الشَّبَابَ شُعْبَةٌ مِنَ الْجُنُونِ
Translation: Adolescence is a branch of insanity.1
Masha-Allah, you realize the importance of helping your brothers overcome the challenges they are currently facing and Insha-Allah your effort will not go in vain. Be confident that by the Will of Allah you will be able to help them. A person in his youth faces many challenges from biological to financial, from family to social. The different feelings tend to cloud their rationale and they end up making serious mistakes. If they are not carefully handled, the mistakes could develop into perpetual habits and thus aggravating the problem. It is the responsibility of seniors to bring balance in their lives and use diplomacy and wisdom in doing so.
What you state regarding your siblings is a typical conduct of a youth.
We advise you to adopt the following ways:
- Speak to them with a soft tone, respect and dignity. They may feel they deserve to be talked to with respect and not be scolded at every time.
- Keep a very friendly and positive attitude towards them and hopefully this will soften their hearts towards you and they will be more willing to listen to you. Allow them to confide in you and share their sentiments with you;
- It may be that your siblings feel lonely, deserted and abandoned. Spend quality time with them and bond with them.
- Encourage them with wisdom and remind them that the doors of mercy are always open and true happiness lies in the Akhirah.
- You seem to have a very good relationship with your parents. Try to contribute to a change in your parent’s mindset. Consider the following advice narrated by Faqeehul Ummah Mufti Mahmood Saheb Gangohi Rahimahullah of Hazrat Moulana Maseehullah Khan Saheb Rahimahullah,
Nowadays parents should behave towards their children as children. Father should act as a son; not with the awe and fear of yesteryear. He should deal with love, tenderness and affection…. ‘Son it is time for the meals…. son it is time for bed, etc. These are all request; as if one brother is talking to another; for the era of dictating and commanding are over (Ashraf’s Blessings, Page 369)
- While you may witness them demonstrating unsuitable behaviour and reacting unjustifiably, console them and show your sisterly love and affection to them. Try to diagnose the cause of their behaviour.
- Spend family time together for example, have meals together and have common and light hearted conversations.
- Also go out as a family and spend quality time.
- Most important of all, family members should show love and affection to each other.
- Turn to Allah and make Dua for love and muhabbat in the family. Request your parents to do the same as well/
Through patience and perseverance, your siblings will come around and learn to establish a strong connection with Allah Ta’ālā. Insha Allāh. Keep hope in Allah and your efforts will be appreciated by Allah.
And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best
Student Darul Iftaa
Checked and Approved by,
Mufti Ebrahim Desai.
1 مسند الشهاب القضاعي- مؤسسة الرسالة (1/ 100)
أَخْبَرَنَا الْقَاضِي أَبُو مُحَمَّدٍ عَبْدُ الْكَرِيمِ بْنُ الْمُنْتَصِرِ، بِإِسْنَادِهِ الْمُقَدَّمُ ذِكْرُهُ فِي الْجُزْءِ الْأَوَّلِ، عَنْ زَيْدِ بْنِ خَالِدٍ، عَنِ النَّبِيِّ صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ أَنَّهُ قَالَ فِي الْخُطْبَةِ الطَّوِيلَةِ الَّتِي فِيهَا «الشَّبَابُ شُعْبَةٌ مِنَ الْجُنُونِ» ، وَمَا ذَكَرَ مَعَهُ
اعتلال القلوب للخرائطي- نزار مصطفى الباز (1/ 103)
حَدَّثَنَا أَبُو عَبْدِ اللَّهِ أَحْمَدُ بْنُ مُحَمَّدِ بْنِ غَالِبٍ قَالَ: حَدَّثَنَا مُحَمَّدُ بْنُ عُبَيْدٍ الْمَدَنِيُّ، وَعَبْدُ الْعَزِيزِ بْنُ عَبْدِ اللَّهِ، عَنْ عَبْدِ اللَّهِ بْنِ نَافِعٍ، عَنْ عَبْدِ اللَّهِ بْنِ مُصْعَبِ بْنِ خَالِدِ بْنِ يَزِيدَ بْنِ خَالِدِ بْنِ الْجُهَنِيِّ، عَنْ أَبِيهِ، عَنْ جَدِّهِ زَيْدِ بْنِ خَالِدٍ أَنَّ رَسُولَ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ قَالَ: «الشَّبَابُ شُعْبَةٌ مِنَ الْجُنُونِ، وَالنِّسَاءُ حِبَالَةُ الشَّيْطَانِ
المقاصد الحسنة (ص: 401)- دار الكتاب العربي
حَدِيث: الشَّبَابُ شُعْبَةٌ مِنَ الْجُنُونِ، وَالنِّسَاءُ حِبَالَةُ الشَّيْطَانِ، أبو نُعيم في الحلية عن عبد الرحمن بن عابس، وابن لال عن ابن مسعود، والديلمي عن عبد اللَّه بن عامر في حديث طويل، والتيمي في ترغيبه عن زيد بن خالد، كلهم مرفوعا به، وحبالة بالكسر هو ما يصاد به من أي شيء كان، وجمعه حبائل، والرواية به أكثر أي مصائده، ولا ينافيه ما روينا عن سفيان الثوري من قوله: يا معشر الشباب عليكم بقيام الليل، فإنما الخير في الشباب، لكونه محلا للقوة، والنشاط غالبا، ومن شواهد الحديث: عجب ربك من شاب ليست له صبوة، وسيأتي
الجامع الصغير وزيادته (ص: 7171، بترقيم الشاملة آليا)
الخرائطي فِي اعتلال الْقُلُوب) عَن زيد بن خالد الجهني.( الشَّبَابُ شُعْبَةٌ مِنَ الجُنُونِ وَالنِّسَاءُ حُبَالَةُ الشَّيْطَانِ