I am 28-year-old male currently suffering from a psychological disorder. I am standing at crossroads of life and have a very difficult yet confronting situation. My question is rather a bit complicated and I hope with understanding my situation, you can answer it. I am a practising Muslim and do my salah and fast and have a good amount of Eeman. My issue is that I I have homosexual desires and have worked really hard to suppress my feelings and seek forgiveness. I am not stating that I have not been astray but I have tried my level best and wish to marry. I believe its time for me to start my family but i don’t want to establish a relationship on the basis of secrecy. I would like to ask if the situation like this arises and I do have to marry a girl and she doesn’t know however I try my level best to fulfil her desires and safeguard her and respect her, am i at fault? I have always been steadfast and not adopting an alternative lifestyle and have tried my level best to stay away from sin. It is quite hard for me to make a decision and I will like an experts opinion on it. I wouldn’t know but if a Muslim sister has suffered through same desires and wishes to start a family, can I approach her and express the desire to marry and work on the relationship to maintain that level of eeman and a healthy family.I am financially able and can take care of my family and have been a great brother, son and wish the same to be when i become a husband. I will highly appreciate your valuable opinion.
In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.
Brother in Islam,
We make Dua’a that Allah Ta’ala grant you courage to overcome your difficulty and grant you success in confronting your difficulty.
You refer to having homosexual desires. How did you diagnose that the homosexual desires is a psychological disorder?
There could be many other reasons for the same gender attraction, for example, personal incidents of homosexual abuse, influence of the environment or attraction of the Nafs and Shaitan.
The possibility of same gender attraction based on not exercising moral behaviour and ethics cannot be ruled out. The Fuqahaa have explained that the Satar (area of concealment) for males is the area between the navel and knee.[i]
If one exposes this area, it is possible that exposure alone will lead one the attraction of the same gender. Such attraction is not a consequences of one’s psychological disorder. It is the consequences of bad behaviour.
You know your circumstances better and you may consider the points we have raised. Many people who got caught up in same gender attraction due to some of reasons stated above have been successfully married. When one experiences marital life and experiences the natural way of fulfilling his desires, he will overcome his phobia of same gender attraction.
However, if there are no external reasons for one’s same gender attraction, then one should explore medical angles to determine the cause for one’s unnatural inclination.
Alhamdulillah, you have exercised restraint till now. You wish to marry and fulfil yourself halaal way, then you should consider the above points and proceed to marry.
And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best
Checked and Approved by,
Mufti Ebrahim Desai.
[i] (المحيط البرهاني، كتاب الكراهية والاستحسان، الفصل التاسع: 8/24-25؛ إدارة)
يجوز أن ينظر الرجل إلى الرجل إلى جميع جسده إلا إلى عورته وعورته ما بين سرته حتى يجاوز ركبته…..
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2793 – حدثنا عبد الله بن أبي زياد حدثنا زيد بن حباب أخبرني الضحاك بن عثمان أخبرني زيد بن أسلم عن عبد الرحمن بن أبي سعيد الخدري عن أبيه قال Y قال رسول الله صلى الله عليه و سلم لا ينظر الرجل إلى عورة الرجل ولا تنظر المرأة إلى عورة المرأة ولايفضي الرجل إلى الرجل في الثوب الواحد ولا تفضي المرأة إلى المرأة في الثوب الواحد
قال أبو عيسى هذا حديث حسن غريب صحيح K صحيح
نور الإيضاح ونجاة الأرواح (ص: 15)
وعورة الرجل ما بين السرى ومنتهى الركبة
حاشية الطحطاوي على مراقي الفلاح شرح نور الإيضاح (ص: 240)
وفي الشريعة ما افترض ستره وحده الشارع صلى الله عليه وسلم بقوله “عورة الرجل ما بين سرته إلى ركبتيه” وبقوله عليه السلام “الركبة من العورة” “وتزيد عليه” أي على الرجل
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(وَهِيَ مَا تَحْتَ سُرَّتِهِ إلَى تَحْتِ رُكْبَتِهِ) أَيْ مَا بَيْنَهُمَا هُوَ الْعَوْرَةُ لِقَوْلِهِ – عَلَيْهِ الصَّلَاةُ وَالسَّلَامُ – «عَوْرَةُ الرَّجُلِ مَا بَيْنَ السُّرَّةِ إلَى الرُّكْبَةِ» وَيُرْوَى مَا دُونَ سُرَّتِهِ حَتَّى يُجَاوِزَ رُكْبَتَهُ،
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واما الرّكْبَة فَهِيَ عَورَة عِنْد ابي حنيفَة وَأَصْحَابه وَلَيْسَت بِعَوْرَة عِنْد الشَّافِعِي وابي عبد الله