So I met this girl about 2 1/2 years ago. I know now how much I messed up not just with her but life in general I’m 22 now and have decided to fully change myself imaan wise and have repented to Allah for all my sins. Now me and this girl still have contact and have grown love for each other. From the beginning I wanted it to be halal so I mentioned her to my parents and they canceled last minute to visit her family. When I came home to consult with my family my grandfather who’s the decision maker in the house said “she’s not our blood so you can’t marry her” so it’s been 2 years now and they think I forgot about her. So we both decided then that after I finish school and stand on my feet have something for myself we’ll bring it up again and if they deny we’ll marry anyways. But now I’m double thinking if that’s the right choice? Should I continue and wait for a good time to bring it up? Am I allowed to keep in touch with the girl? We have committed some sins together which we repented for as well. At the end of the day we both want whats halal and right. But now I’m just thinking if I should leave her because my parents will never let it happen?
In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.
We understand from your email that you wish to change and lead a life according to Shari’ah. We commend your attitude to adopt this lifestyle during the prime of your youth. At your age, you have the ability to lead whichever lifestyle you desire.
Allah speaks about this choice which He gave to humans. He says,
وَنَفْسٍ وَمَا سَوَّاهَا {7} فَأَلْهَمَهَا فُجُورَهَا وَتَقْوَاهَا {8} قَدْ أَفْلَحَ مَنْ زَكَّاهَا {9} وَقَدْ خَابَ مَنْ دَسَّاهَا {10}
And (I take an oath [to signify the importance of this matter]) on the Nafs (soul) and the Being who made it proportionate. Thereafter He inspired (with discernment of) its wickedness and its righteousness. The one who purifies (one’s soul) is the one who has truly succeeded. And the one who instils in it corruption has failed. (Quran 91:7-10)
Adopting a lifestyle which is compliant to the teaching of Shari’ah is more rewarding at this age of opportunities.
Rasulullah (صلى الله عليه وسلم) informs us about seven groups of people who shall be under the shade of Allah’s throne on the Day of Judgement when there will be no shade besides that shade. Amongst them is the young man who grew up in the obedience of his Rabb.[1]
That being said, your involvement with this girl is contrary to the teachings of Shari’ah. Although you intend to marry her, it is not permissible for you to remain in contact with her. You state that you’ve repented for the sins that you’ve committed with her. Do not tempt each other by remaining in communication with her. Allah says,
وَلَا تَقْرَبُوا الزِّنَا ۖ إِنَّهُ كَانَ فَاحِشَةً وَسَاءَ سَبِيلًا {32}
Translation: Do not go near (any pathways leading to) unlawful sexual intercourse. Indeed, it is ever an immorality and is evil as a way. (Quran 17:32)
When the time is right, you may discuss marriage with your family. Bear in mind that your family has rights upon you. They love you and will consider your interests with sincerity.
You also state you have doubts. Consider the following Hadith;
إذا حاك في صدرك شيء فدعه
Rasulullah (صلى الله عليه وسلم) said, “When there is doubt in your heart (regarding an issue), leave it (that issue).”[2]
The fact that you have doubts coupled with the obstacles from your family, you should not pursue the issue.
If you are still interested and wish to pursue the issue, identify an influential senior person in the family in whom you can confide in and request his intervention. If that fails, then there is no point in pursuing the issue any further.
And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best
Saad Haque
Student Darul Iftaa
New Jersey, USA
Checked and Approved by,
Mufti Ebrahim Desai.
[1] صحيح البخاري ٦٦٠
حَدَّثَنَا مُحَمَّدُ بْنُ بَشَّارٍ بُنْدَارٌ، قَالَ: حَدَّثَنَا يَحْيَى، عَنْ عُبَيْدِ اللَّهِ، قَالَ: حَدَّثَنِي خُبَيْبُ بْنُ عَبْدِ الرَّحْمَنِ، عَنْ حَفْصِ بْنِ عَاصِمٍ، عَنْ أَبِي هُرَيْرَةَ، عَنِ النَّبِيِّ صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ قَالَ: ” سَبْعَةٌ يُظِلُّهُمُ اللَّهُ فِي ظِلِّهِ، يَوْمَ لاَ ظِلَّ إِلَّا ظِلُّهُ: الإِمَامُ العَادِلُ، وَشَابٌّ نَشَأَ فِي عِبَادَةِ رَبِّهِ، وَرَجُلٌ قَلْبُهُ مُعَلَّقٌ فِي المَسَاجِدِ، وَرَجُلاَنِ تَحَابَّا فِي اللَّهِ اجْتَمَعَا عَلَيْهِ وَتَفَرَّقَا عَلَيْهِ، وَرَجُلٌ طَلَبَتْهُ امْرَأَةٌ ذَاتُ مَنْصِبٍ وَجَمَالٍ، فَقَالَ: إِنِّي أَخَافُ اللَّهَ، وَرَجُلٌ تَصَدَّقَ، أَخْفَى حَتَّى لاَ تَعْلَمَ شِمَالُهُ مَا تُنْفِقُ يَمِينُهُ، وَرَجُلٌ ذَكَرَ اللَّهَ خَالِيًا فَفَاضَتْ عَيْنَاهُ “
[2] مسند أحمد ط الرسالة ٢٢١٩٩