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I wanted to get married to a certain boy but he got engaged to his cousin, now I am feeling depressed. What can I do?

Answered according to Hanafi Fiqh by Askimam.org

Assalamu alaikum,

I hope you are in good health inshAllah. 

I have a very big problem which has left me depressed and helpless. I met a boy at university and aftter we graduated, we told our parents that we wanted to get married. His parents refused to see me and now he is engaged to his cousin.

My question is that if I ask Allah to help me and unite us in marriage, is that a sinful Dua? I have read that any Dua which may break the bonds of kinship will not be accepted. I do not wish for anyone to be hurt in the process and do not wish for any family problems. Please can you help in explaining this?

My second question is with regards to Qadr. I have read that the only form of worship which can change Qadr is Dua. Is is possible then that with continuous, sincere Dua, my desting can change?

Please help me. I am desperate.

Your sister in Islam. 

Answer

In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, The Most Merciful.

As-salaamu `alaykum wa-ramatullahi wa-barakatuh.

Sister in Islam,

We make dua Allah grant you peace.

There is no need for you to be depressed.

Allah Ta`ala says;

{عَسَى أَنْ تُحِبُّوا شَيْئًا وَهُوَ شَرٌّ لَكُمْ } [البقرة: 216]

 Translation: “Perhaps you Might love something whilst it is bad for you”. (Sura Baqara, Verse 216).

Ponder upon the above verse and analyse it in your situation. The knowledge of  Almighty Allah is absolute. He knows the future. He knows what is good and bad for you. Our knowledge is limited. You may think the boy is good for you whereas it may not be so. Focus on the perfect knowledge of Allah and His decree. Do not focus on your limited knowledge. Be rest assured Allah is Al-Hakeem (All Wise). He is the best of planners. He will grant you a suitable compatible spouse. Turn to Allah with dua and ask for a most suitable spouse. Do not focus on the boy you refer. He is moving on with his life. Your life should not get bogged down by him. Do not focus on the sun setting. The sun will rise again with brightness and great opportunities. Be positive and hopeful.

Sister,

You should learn a lesson from this incident. It is prohibited to be in contact with a boy. Every haram relationship has negative consequences which you are experiencing. Sincerely make tauba (repent) from the haram and avoid any contact with a boy in future. Maintain your respect and honour.

If any boy wishes to marry you, let him propose for you and marry you in an honourable way.

And Allah Ta`ala Knows Best.

Hussein Muhammad.

Student Darul Iftaa

Arusha, Tanzania

Checked and Approved by:

Mufti Ebrahim Desai.

This answer was collected from Askimam.org, which is operated under the supervision of Mufti Ebrahim Desai from South Africa.

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